The necklace isn't important in itself. It just happened to be subject at hand when the struggle, that had been going on since he met "Miss Thang", came to a head.
Sure, the boy has issues. It would be expected, considering his childhood, but his behavior since he hooked up with this girl is absolutely unacceptable. She seems to have bolstered his ego, his confidence that he could assert himself, which is really funny considering she played him like a violin.
Apparently he thought he could win her respect and adulation by playing the tough guy when in truth he was just talking shit and being more sneaky and dishonest than ever. I'm thinking of things you didn't cover in this "update", but posted elsewhere, that happened leading up to the necklace showdown.
That's why I say the necklace wasn't important, it could have happened over a pizza, it was just time.
I think you made a mistake not letting your husband share in handling the boy from the start. You could have at least played the good parent/bad parent double team routine, and when he was pushing hard, hand off and cool off. But that's water over the dam, now.
This business of "I'll answer your question when you answer my question" is a risky tact when you're toe to toe. It may be possible on IM, but I doubt it without the visual clues. By email, especially when access is limited (library), it just makes matters worse. It gives both parties too much time to supply their own imagined answers to their questions and imagine a whole worst case scenario conversation. So by the time they do get an answer, it either reinforces what they've already decided the answer is... or you're lying.
In emails, talk straight, be honest and to the point, because innuendo, inflection, hints, irony and subtlety don't work.
It's a shame it's come to this but you two have been making each other nuts for a very, very long time. I'd have killed the fucker years ago. The way it went down is soap opera bizarre, but your whole life has been that bizarre, so I'm not really surprised.
All in all its just another brick in the wall.
