I picked this up a while ago on Slashdot and laughed so hard at it that I nearly cried.
Secret Geek Handshake
<ol><li>Push up your coke-bottle glasses with the white cloth tape over the bridge
<li>Wipe your nose on your sleeve while surreptitiously looking down to make sure your pocket protector and all your pens are in order
<li>Look back up quickly, tossing back your greasy Bill Gates unkempt-style hair to one side, for a better view
<li>Nervously extend the left hand and then utter the sacred oath “Uh… oh, wrong hand, heh.”
<li>Extend a cold, extremely clammy right hand while tucking your left hand into pocket and slouching, all the time grinning like you did in that really bad driver’s license photo.
<li>Grasp unsteadily and pump weakly once before trying to remove hand while other party is still trying to shake.
</ol>