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I was married for 20 years during the course of which my husband and I had our spats, but we never grabbed one another or destroyed stuff. We did have a few fights where we said mean things, and in the clear light of the next day realized that we had each had too much to drink, so we decided that was a warning sign that we were over-indulging. We cut back on the wine consumption which had the amazing effect of making our fights fewer and more civilized when we did have them.
After I got divorced I dated a few years and then became involved with the man I now fondly refer to as the "ax murderer." The fights I had with him more closely resembled the ones you describe. Not to say that I am accusing either you or your SO of being psychopaths, but your fighting style seems a bit extreme. You might benefit from some kind of joint counseling if she's willing to go with you.
Good luck!
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