[monster]

It starts the very first time someone prioritizes how you look over who you are and what you can do. Which they do for girls way more than boys.

For me, aged 5 or so, enrolling for ballet for the first time and hearing the ballet teacher tell my mum I was fat. I knew I was fat and unlovable all the way through school and all the way til I fell in love with someone who was even fatter than me and never seemed to notice. And as I matured and started to look back, I saw pictures of me as a kid and realized I had never been fat at all. But because I knew I was fat and unlovable, I never tried to make friend or join clubs....

Fortunately for me, I'm fucking stubborn so I did do the ballet and I earned the highest grading possible at every damn grade test I took.

Eventually, I made it to university and had a chance for a new start, and no-one seemed to hate me for being fat. They didn't seem to notice.

But even now, awesome person that I am, that damage is still there. It is very hard to love myself. And I am fat, because that one is a self-fulfilling prophesy and I never loved myself enough to prevent it.

And Grav, your opinion has never counted because the first time I was brave enough to post a candid image on here (a video, even, of me enjoying the surf ride at a water park) you called me fat. I am sorry that looks are so important to you. You're missing out on a lot of good people.