Quote:
Originally posted by Whit
Okay, I'll go with that. Now, any idea why people feel they have to be with somebody? I've asked a bunch of people that through their actions show that they feel that way, but they always either deny it (often even act insulted) or say they don't know.
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Well, I can only speak from personal experience and observation, and I personally never felt like I absolutely HAD to be with someone. So my insight may lack in usefulness.
All the way through high school and college, I was pretty much a loner, I didn't start socializing much until later in life. I'd dated some, but hadn't made any attempts at really connecting with someobody. I was dating because I was
supposed to, not because I wanted to. People, and in particular women, were a mystery to me. I am the sort of fellow who tends to have a few close friends rather than a large number of acquaintences. But I was happy with my life.
I realized something after a while. I hated dating, but I loved being with women. I figured a lot of shit out at that point in my life, and as a result I started really enjoying dating, because I developed a different take on it. I wasn't trying to impress anybody, I was just trying to enjoy life. I loved and lost, but it was a great learning experience. I had been happy alone, but I was happier when I was sharing life with people. Long story short, I then found someone who was so wonderful, and so perfect for me, that I wanted to share everything with her.
All that stuff above isn't even the answer to your question, that's just background so you'll know where I'm coming from.
As for your question, here's my theory: All people need to feel valuable. A person's self-worth defines them. People base their own worth on many different things, but you'll find two extremes to the scale... those who define their worth solely on their own morals and ambitions, and those who define their worth based on the opinions and feedback of others.
The latter is an example of a person who MUST be with somebody to feel they have worth. In order to feel like a whole, good person, they require someone to choose them, and them alone.
The former is an example of a loner who is happy with their life. They don't require anyone to reinforce their self-image. But the fact that they don't
require approval of others does not negate their ability to find joy in the company of others. For that reason, I see this sort of person as more emotionally mature.
Of course this is the sort of thing people can change, particularly if they identify it. It happened to me, to a degree.