[Sundae]

What the family is most upset about is that she was the golden child. Up until the first lot of shenanigans anyway. And then she was back in grace. She has always been bright and educationally motivated, getting top grades and looking to be the first person in our family to go to Uni.

They now believe she has thrown her life away and will never do anything, ever.
This is part of what I am trying to nix - I know some really old women who've gone back into edumacation.

But what I can't deny is that life is going to be tough for her for a good few years.
Buying (and manouevering!) a double pushchair, two lots of nappies and feed (I doubt she will try to breastfeed - that in itself would be an additional challenge anyway), double sets of clothing from now until at least 16 - winter coats, shoes, uniforms etc.

This isn't the chap from before. It's a lad from football - they met when he was 19 and he's 20 now. They've been together five months. Yup. He dropped out of college but was volunteering because he wanted to go into football coaching. He's now taken a job with his Uncle. My sister didn't have much information on him - they've not wanted to see him or talk to him. I gently suggested that he was and would now always be a family member, but I got a long-suffering look and was told that that was not a guarantee.

He seems to want to be around - she's been to stay with him and his family most weekends and his Mum bought her some pyjamas... They are not what you would want as in-laws though. His Dad is no longer with his Mum and has just had a baby with his new partner. Sis thinks she is now living on the Jeremy Kyle Show (a bit like Maury). She doesn't see that perhaps the sky isn't falling after all and maybe a loving reaction is all you can have once the die has been cast. It's always been that way with us. That's why I got no support from my family when I was in mental health daycare. Not one phone call or visit from any of them. OMG - it's like she's a Jeremy Kyle guest!! How humiliating!!!

The thing that surprised me the most is that she should be eligible for a two bedroomed flat by December and will be taking it. She'll be 18, the babies will be approx three months (due date August, but twins are often premature). And my sister is mourning the loss of her, but of course she can't live at home. Wha..?! For 17 years we've had to fit our family lives around my niece. She dictated what time we ate Christmas Dinner, where my Dad had his 60th birthday meal, what day family BBQs fell on. Now in surely her most needful hour she is going to be left alone in a flat with two babies?

I mean of course they will offer some support, but I am honestly shocked that they are assuming she will move out. I'd have thought they'd move heaven and earth to keep her at home, even to the extent of us having my nephew live here (he's always been second best).

Part of what is eating me up is personal. Grandad's fridge, freezer, cooker and basic kitchen things are stored in my sister's garage. For me. For when Mum & Dad get their social housing - they are now on a priority list. Those are now going to A. My sister has an endowment meant to pay for a new car and insurance for A on her 18th birthday. That will now pay to have her new place painted and carpeted, but they need all the things left to me to help furnish it.

What can I say without looking like a beastly, selfish bitch? Can't help how I feel though.
All I can do is remember two wrongs don't make a right. If I act like my neice has preferred family status then I miss the point of being a loving and supportive Aunt. And it's true she has a harder path ahead of her than I do right now.

Please forgive both my rambling and my appalling streak of self-interest.