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Old 03-30-2004, 10:32 AM   #169
Beestie
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Parts unknown.
Posts: 4,081
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the below outlined procedures when accessing their accounts. MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed after months of careful research. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender. "

MALE PROCEDURE[list=1][*] Drive up to the cash machine.
[*] Roll down your car window.
[*] Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
[*] Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
[*] Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
[*] Put window up.
[*] Drive off.[/list=1]


FEMALE PROCEDURE[list=1]
[*] Drive up to cash machine.
[*] Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
[*] Set parking brake, put the window down
[*] Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
[*] Turn the radio down.
[*] Attempt to insert card into machine.
[*] Open the car door to allow easy access to machine due to it's excessive distance from the vehicle.
[*] Insert card.
[*] Reinsert card the right way up.
[*] Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
[*] Enter PIN.
[*] Press cancel and reenter correct PIN.
[*] Enter amount of cash required.
[*] Check make up in rear view mirror.
[*] Retrieve cash and receipt.
[*] Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
[*] Place receipt in back of checkbook.
[*] Recheck makeup again.
[*] Drive forward 2 feet.
[*] Reverse back to cash machine.
[*] Retrieve card.
[*] Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
[*] Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver lined up behind you.
[*] Restart stalled engine and pull away.
[*] Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
[*] Release Parking Brake[/list=1]

nyuk, nyuk, nyuk
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