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chrisinhouston · 04-28-2015, 09:35 AM

Something occurred 2 weeks ago and it is still weighing heavily on me.

We were up in Pennsylvania visiting my oldest child, my son who left the US Navy after a period of PTSD. Up until a few months ago he had been sort of a caretaker for his mother (my ex) who has failed at handling her own affairs in the years after our divorce. My son had given her a place to stay, handled what little money she had and put up with her BS. It was very stressful for him and his wife, but especially for him with the depression he had from the Navy. Anyway at Christmas while his mother was visiting our daughter near Seattle he made the decision that she could no longer live there as it was making life miserable. So, we visited and in general he and his wife are so much better, less stress and depression. But during our visit my son asked me if he could ask me a very personal question. "Sure" I said knowing questions from my kids like this usually mean a followup question about my marriage or divorce.

He asked if I had ever cheated on his mother and given her an STD. I was shell shocked, for a moment I thought he said LSD! I told him no, I had not and had never even kissed another woman during the 14 years of our marriage before we split up. Then he told me she had told him and his wife I had cheated and given her an STD and it wasn't with a woman but a gay man I used to work with occasionally. Well my wife and I were pretty shocked and when I got home I called my son in Alaska who is currently the caretaker for the mother. I asked him if she had ever told him this story and he said yes recently she told him and his wife. He told me he didn't believe it and just chalked it up to her attitude to life and how she still blames everyone else for all that has gone wrong in her life.

So that night I sent an email to both of my daughters asking about this. My youngest daughter told me her mother told her this lie a year ago when she had stayed with her and her newborn baby. I did not hear from my older daughter so I called her this past Sunday and we talked. She admitted that she had been told this but it was a few years ago when she was finishing college and there was no mention of an STD or a gay encounter. So, Sunday afternoon I sat my youngest son down who lives with us and asked him. He said he had not heard this. Not sure if I fully believe him as he is very close to his mother and is planning on being the next caretaker for her later this year if he can get enough money to get a 2 bedroom apartment.

So I am really pissed and hurt. This bitch who dragged me through a divorce in 1996 and then took my kids away from Houston to live in California and did everything she could to make visitation hard has now raised up and told a major lie about me. But what bothers me almost as much is that while the kids that admitted they were told this fault their mother to some extent, they just chalk it up to mom being mom.

My oldest daughter's wedding is planned for September this year and she and her sister both told me that while they understand how hurt and mad I am they hope I will be civil while at the wedding. I have been nothing but civil over the years and have attended other events with my ex, a wedding, various holiday gatherings, etc. I guess it bothers me that they want me to confirm I will be a nice guy yet no mention is made of their mother being nice.

I am thinking about not attending. My daughter is 31 and she and her fiancee are handling all of this. We even mutually agreed some time back that I won't walk her down the aisle as she is an adult.

Still undecided and I have time to let it settle down but I am royally pissed off.

04-28-2015, 09:35 AM	#10250
chrisinhouston Professor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Houston TX Posts: 1,857	Something occurred 2 weeks ago and it is still weighing heavily on me. We were up in Pennsylvania visiting my oldest child, my son who left the US Navy after a period of PTSD. Up until a few months ago he had been sort of a caretaker for his mother (my ex) who has failed at handling her own affairs in the years after our divorce. My son had given her a place to stay, handled what little money she had and put up with her BS. It was very stressful for him and his wife, but especially for him with the depression he had from the Navy. Anyway at Christmas while his mother was visiting our daughter near Seattle he made the decision that she could no longer live there as it was making life miserable. So, we visited and in general he and his wife are so much better, less stress and depression. But during our visit my son asked me if he could ask me a very personal question. "Sure" I said knowing questions from my kids like this usually mean a followup question about my marriage or divorce. He asked if I had ever cheated on his mother and given her an STD. I was shell shocked, for a moment I thought he said LSD! I told him no, I had not and had never even kissed another woman during the 14 years of our marriage before we split up. Then he told me she had told him and his wife I had cheated and given her an STD and it wasn't with a woman but a gay man I used to work with occasionally. Well my wife and I were pretty shocked and when I got home I called my son in Alaska who is currently the caretaker for the mother. I asked him if she had ever told him this story and he said yes recently she told him and his wife. He told me he didn't believe it and just chalked it up to her attitude to life and how she still blames everyone else for all that has gone wrong in her life. So that night I sent an email to both of my daughters asking about this. My youngest daughter told me her mother told her this lie a year ago when she had stayed with her and her newborn baby. I did not hear from my older daughter so I called her this past Sunday and we talked. She admitted that she had been told this but it was a few years ago when she was finishing college and there was no mention of an STD or a gay encounter. So, Sunday afternoon I sat my youngest son down who lives with us and asked him. He said he had not heard this. Not sure if I fully believe him as he is very close to his mother and is planning on being the next caretaker for her later this year if he can get enough money to get a 2 bedroom apartment. So I am really pissed and hurt. This bitch who dragged me through a divorce in 1996 and then took my kids away from Houston to live in California and did everything she could to make visitation hard has now raised up and told a major lie about me. But what bothers me almost as much is that while the kids that admitted they were told this fault their mother to some extent, they just chalk it up to mom being mom. My oldest daughter's wedding is planned for September this year and she and her sister both told me that while they understand how hurt and mad I am they hope I will be civil while at the wedding. I have been nothing but civil over the years and have attended other events with my ex, a wedding, various holiday gatherings, etc. I guess it bothers me that they want me to confirm I will be a nice guy yet no mention is made of their mother being nice. I am thinking about not attending. My daughter is 31 and she and her fiancee are handling all of this. We even mutually agreed some time back that I won't walk her down the aisle as she is an adult. Still undecided and I have time to let it settle down but I am royally pissed off.