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dont tut tut me i'm new
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in
hospital.
A man walks into a bar.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.
Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly
low self-esteem.
What do you call a cat with no tail?
A manx cat.
Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their
appearance has a degree of gravitas.
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.
Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of
strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'
Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps
out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then
wanders off.
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
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