I think Jim knows the word you need.
This sucks, I'm so sorry. Here's my 2c.... does Dan look forward to seeing her? Does he want to go? Does he come home happy or stressed? I know it's hard to make decisions about his welfare that you wish he were able to make for himself, but it doesn't sound to me like this is doing him one ounce of good. I'm kind of wondering if you should "suggest" that equity requires her to keep him withi 50 miles of your home and see how that goes down. Sure the beach is fun, but isn't this about them seeing each other rather than external entertainment?
I'm waffling, but when I was younger and the thing that scarred me most (I think) were the power games they played. And yes, it was mostly my mom too, especially when I went to live with my dad.
