I'll tell you what I learned from being spanked as a child:
I deserve to be hit. And that carried over into not one, but two, abusive marriages.
Violence gets people's attention. Just as dear old mom and dad hit me when I smartmouthed them, why shouldn't I hit classmate X when they mock me?
There is a very thin line between spanking and abuse and when a parent loses their temper, that line gets real blurry, real fast. The child learns to endure the hitting and starts to ignore your admonitions, so you hit harder and longer to regain that control.
Children become numb to being spanked/hit, so you have to up the ante. First it's a smack on the hand, then the bottom, then a full-fledged multi-hit spanking, then you get out the belt. Slap them across the face this time, and it's a short trip to punching them in the mouth next time.
Fear is NOT respect Fear as well as anger produce adreneline. It can be addictive to feel the surge of adreneline when you get angry or fearful. But this doesn't help anyone use their powers of reason or intellect to solve problems. Obeying the rules out of fear doesn't instill internal values, rather, it teaches a child to not get caught.
Pain = love "I'm doing this because I love you." "If I didn't love you so much, I wouldn't care, but because I do love you, I must punish you by hurting you". After a spanking, possibly while one's buttocks are still burning, you get a hug or cuddle. So love=pain=love.
But ask me what I was being spanked FOR...and I couldn't answer you. I don't remember the reasons, the transgressions that I committed, or the lessons I was being taught. Very effective, those spankings
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