Quote:
Originally Posted by monster
I subscribe to a different style of parenting to that described by Merc, and that works too. If you show trust, respect and honesty, kids will live up to it and return it. But it takes guts to cut the leash the first time, same as when you let them try the fireman's pole for the first time. You still watch them of course, and you're there to make sure it's not fatal, kiss them better, take them to hospital, but they perform the act without your safety net. I'd rather they did that when I was watching than behind my back or going crazy once they're out of my control.
My father tried the no privacy way. He never sees his grand-children.
There is not just one correct way, but there are people who are too pig-headed to consider that theirs is not the only way.
I'm done with this.
Oh and Ibram....
haha -that's how I feel about my kids which is why they're not nome-schooled. I thought iId read you were, but I guess with lots of chopping and changing it's effectively the same thing.
Nine schools? Pah! Well Pah-ish. On counting, I only went to eight. But it felt like at least ten. My record was half a day in one school. And one day in another. And no, I did not get expelled from either.....
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I don't look at the net as the same thing as searching their room. I will not search his room, back-pack, etc unless I feel I've seen some behavior or evidence that leads me to think I need to. And then, only after a conversation that leads me to think he is lying to me, based on the information.
The net is outside of my home and the ability for me to make those kinds of decisions. I cannot see who he is bringing in and out of his room, how old they are, how much time they are spending together, spend some time with them myself (which
will happen) and what they seem like. I cannot call him on his cell and ask where he is and have him hold it up so I can listen, I cannot check the GPS on his phone/bracelet/car to see where he is surfing outside of my home.
Within his home he can feel safe and secure and trusted, his sanctuary, even from the way others treat him. That is why we treat him with respect and are polite to him. The golden rule applies in our home. We do not say
"because we said so" ever. It is a cop-out and cheap and causes a loss of respect. Do as I say and not as I do is for the lazy.
Within that sanctuary, his room should be a sanctuary from us, HIS place, and we do not enter unless we knock and that will continue permanent.
That terminal being in the home does not mean what happens on that screen is... it is not and should never be treated as such.
Those who feel that the net is not "real life" are fools on this topic and need to read more. Every single person who they are speaking to is a real person, every word typed is a real thought. Sadly, all too often, not by whom they say they are and for the wrong reasons.
Too many in every town know that young people need ego affirmation and are sexually charged. By using the latter to give them the former is a quick and sick way to get them to trust them and meet them, then to give them what they want from them, harming them permanently in a way that is so deep that I will speak of it no more, but to say that I know of it.
The WORST part of this is that the smarter your kid is, the faster and better this works on them.
That it is treated so causally by the young due to it's ease means it should be watched for their safety and nothing else. It is out of love and caring... not out of some militant form of desire for control.
Merc is the worst possible voice for this point of view.