Quote:
Originally Posted by Brianna
elspode... you went very, very well or the date went very, very well?
Either way---YAY!  Good for you! |
For those of you who aren't trying to skate the thin edge of interpersonal relationships the way I am...good. While what I am experiencing of late has been nothing short of remarkable, stupendous and altogether life affirming...I cannot recommend it for the faint of heart.
Bri...*I* in particular went very very well. And, unless I am extremely gullible and hopelessly pollyanna, my partner on Friday night would say much the same. But even though the bumping and grinding, and all that preceded it, was magnificent, everything that comes along after is not necessarily something that a casual observer would envy. Let me preface what follows by saying that my date last night is not involved in what has gone on today.
The whole open marriage/poly thing is a lot of damn work. Between trying to remain confident and secure within my own view of marriage and sharing, and that of my spouse's point of view, sometimes masturbation seems a superior option. At the very least, no one else has to feel okay about it all save for myself, and i'm responsible for my own messes.
I had a wonderful date last night. Minimal blowing of sunshine up the crinkly fabric hippie skirt of the lady with whom I was out, and maximum return on my investment of time, conversation, emotion and chi. The fact that yesterday turned into today, entirely focused on a planned visit from another couple with whom we had been intimate at Pagan Fest, and with whom we had anticipated a repeat encounter which came to fruition tonight, has put something of a pall on our point of view, all things being equal.
Bri, I'm sure you in particular will resonate with the concept of "odd man out" - an ostensible foursome that somehow leaves one participant with little to do save for to observe...or leave. It was the latter path which I chose tonight. Trying to get four people sexually on the same playing field is dicey under the best of circumstances, and those favorable circumstances were not on the table tonight. Being the nice guy I am, when it became apparent that I was the less necessary party to the proceedings, I bowed out gracefully. At the time, it was the right thing to do. In the end, not so much, apparently.
Even when one is able to access amenable parties to group frolic/sharing, there are things that you cannot quite predict or anticipate. When I left the foray, according to Selene, things didn't actually get better, they just got weirder. The wife of the correspondent couple ended up feeling as though her man was paying rather more attention to Selene than she was comfortable with (I'm sure he was, as they are quite smitten with one another), and bad feelings evinced on the part of the female correspondent. Last I know, the other couple has driven off, with the Mrs in tears, and they've not yet returned although a couple of hours has passed. This is troublesome, because their 18 year old daughter is staying the night with my son, and they were supposed to sleep here and attend a meeting with us on the morrow.
There's so much more to all of this than I can even begin to tell here...I suppose I'll have to sit down and write about it all, and post it, but really...for most people, this must seem sordid and unnecessary. I'm not sure that I'd want to read about any of this if it weren't part of my life, and I with such a love for the narrative.
I wish I could tell you that it was otherwise, but right now, it seems slightly sordid, even to me. For what it is worth, I can say this much...big risk equals big rewards. With any luck, I know better than to bet the farm.
Selene is asleep now, upset and feeling tawdry. I'm sitting here, typing to you, my Cellar family, and not making a lot of sense. Please don't think me a scoundrel, a lost soul or a slut. I'm not. No one involved in any of this is. Try to imagine going from Heaven to Hell in one 24 hour period; then, try to imagine yourself thinking that maybe it isn't such a bad thing to have made the trip.
That's where I'm at.