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Originally Posted by Sundae
Personally I'd advise you to shell out as little as possible and prepare for her to come back. Then when she does, set very specific ground rules, more chores, find a better job and all that. And set a deadline. Then help with a slightly better place.
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This is definitely our general philosophy. The difficulties are:
1.) Our house is a well-oiled machine, so any chores set aside for her are a deliberate wrench (spanner) thrown in our works. She was doing the dishes every night in the beginning, but now her job is an evening/night shift, and it is not feasible for me to leave them for her to do in the morning because I need them already clean by 5:45 when I get up. She can't do them on her own at midnight because her spacial relations skills are so bad that she gets half as many dishes in as I do. She can get dishes for one person done, but not six. She does do her own laundry, and keeps her room tidy-ish. But the truth is we pay someone to come clean the rest of the house, because it's just too much for me, and I can't cancel that just for the sake of her education.
2.) Any threat of deadlines works against us because there is no realistic "kick her out" option--her (emotionally abusive) mother will always take her back, telling her how she knew she'd be a failure from the beginning and she should just remain in her mother's control/care for the rest of her life.
Applying mental health issues is appropriate in her situation, and I am grateful for your perspective. Hers may not be the same, but they are definitely there. I am fully prepared for this year to not be successful (prepared isn't the right word, but half-expecting at least,) but what we've concluded is that for her to live alone actually entails more chores than living with us can realistically offer. It also forces upon her the chore of finding social engagements, since with all the other kids in the house she feels no need to seek out friends. We have shown her how to use meetup.com to find other anime fans with similar mental health issues
(hahaha but no seriously they're all fucked up.) Honestly, putting her in her own apartment
is kicking her out, given the way our lives work. If she lives with us, we're still paying for it, just in a different way.