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I have solved it by removing myself from Family Sharing. I now have my Apple account back. So I don't get access to my husband's and daughter's music ... no matter.
The weirdness included the fact that with Family Sharing, my husband's credit card was the only possible method of payment for music - so every purchase I might make would go on his card and show up to him. They should call it Family Control, or Family No-Privacy. Now that I have my own unshared account back, it's my credit card and password. Every $1.29 purchase I make will not be subject to my husband's scrutiny.
He did notice right away, and I just said I'm not doing the Family Sharing thing anymore. He didn't argue. Maybe I had a certain edge to my voice.
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi 
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