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Originally Posted by marichiko
After I got divorced I dated a few years and then became involved with the man I now fondly refer to as the "ax murderer." The fights I had with him more closely resembled the ones you describe.
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Not to pry overly, but whatever happened to the classical guitar player beau/friend? You haven't mentioned him for awhile, now. Tell me to stuff it if I'm being indelicate.
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You might benefit from some kind of joint counseling if she's willing to go with you.
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I can state that counseling was of benefit to my wife and I, but of greater benefit was the elimination of drinking heavily. We still fight, but they end quicker, and less hideously damaging things get said.