The Cellar - View Single Post - What might be making you a tad apprehensive, but might not, as it's too soon to tell

infinite monkey · 02-12-2013, 12:45 PM

I should have bellowed SERENITY NOW in my meeting(s)...they ran over and were back to back. All about my processes that are FUBAR. That they historically put on their own back burners every time I requested help. To the point (and this is one of my issues as outlined and goal-set in the bin) that I can't concentrate on any one issue, and when I do it seems to loom so large that I almost feel like I run away from it.

Did they hear me this time? I don't know. Is my job guaranteed beyond this week? I don't know. Have I done the best I can? Yes I have, with the exception being that after the previous administration's 4 years of being dismissed, discounted, tossed aside, ignored, and barely acknowledged, I have a really hard time approaching with issues (as if I am somehow singlehandedly the reason for all the problems of the world.) Did this create a fear of the openness in asking for assistance (or at least build on the life long fear of such) and therefore PHYSICALLY finding myself frozen, and unable to push for what I need. Well, it was a big contributor, for sure.

I have a weird social hang-up. I am outgoing and I can talk to just about anyone. But there are times, when I'm in my silence and have been pushed to talk, to interact...when that happens it makes things way worse. I cannot make the sounds come out of my mouth in any coherent form. I cannot act. And if the pushing keeps coming, it ends in complete withdrawal. If I am then still pushed, I come out fighting and gnashing and gnarling.

My stomach hurts. Yes, what happens will happen but I don't get the feeling the swooper thinks I am anything but lame. I think the IntDir thinks otherwise, and my only hope is that he stays on that and supports me.

02-12-2013, 12:45 PM	#256
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	I should have bellowed SERENITY NOW in my meeting(s)...they ran over and were back to back. All about my processes that are FUBAR. That they historically put on their own back burners every time I requested help. To the point (and this is one of my issues as outlined and goal-set in the bin) that I can't concentrate on any one issue, and when I do it seems to loom so large that I almost feel like I run away from it. Did they hear me this time? I don't know. Is my job guaranteed beyond this week? I don't know. Have I done the best I can? Yes I have, with the exception being that after the previous administration's 4 years of being dismissed, discounted, tossed aside, ignored, and barely acknowledged, I have a really hard time approaching with issues (as if I am somehow singlehandedly the reason for all the problems of the world.) Did this create a fear of the openness in asking for assistance (or at least build on the life long fear of such) and therefore PHYSICALLY finding myself frozen, and unable to push for what I need. Well, it was a big contributor, for sure. I have a weird social hang-up. I am outgoing and I can talk to just about anyone. But there are times, when I'm in my silence and have been pushed to talk, to interact...when that happens it makes things way worse. I cannot make the sounds come out of my mouth in any coherent form. I cannot act. And if the pushing keeps coming, it ends in complete withdrawal. If I am then still pushed, I come out fighting and gnashing and gnarling. My stomach hurts. Yes, what happens will happen but I don't get the feeling the swooper thinks I am anything but lame. I think the IntDir thinks otherwise, and my only hope is that he stays on that and supports me.