[Shawnee123]

I can take anger. If he's angry, that's probably the biggest favor he could ever do for me.

It's thinking that he's hurting. I keep telling myself that he has been using me all this time: people IRL have told me this. All it takes is a little kindness and I think "how could I hurt this big lug?"

I KNOW it's right but I am sick to my stomach.

On the other hand, I think how crazy it is, the amount of money I give him...so he can go do things and have fun and sometimes just to get him out of my place so it feels like just mine again. I should have saved up enough for a new car by now; it would have been well within my means...but I give him money and he uses my car when his isn't running, and the food, and all the things people need.

It's the right thing. I KNOW it. Yet I am afraid he'll do that sad little boy thing and I'll be right back where I started. I won't I swear I won't but that's how he plays me.

Sheesh, I have even considered getting a hotel room if he is still there when I get home.

Thanks hon. I know it seems silly but I feel horrible and just want it OVER.

Just for the record, it isn't really about the money. If I believed he loved me, or I him, that wouldn't matter a bit...but he plays that angle FOR the free ride.