[xoxoxoBruce]

• Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
• A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
• Practice safe eating; always use condiments.
• Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
• He used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
• A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
• Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
• Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
• Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
• A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
• A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
• Without geometry, life is pointless.
• When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
• Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
• A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
• Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
• When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
• A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
• What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
• In a democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
• If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
• With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
• When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
• The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
• You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
• He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
• Every calendar's days are numbered.
• A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and it taint mine.
• A boiled egg is hard to beat.
• He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
• Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
• Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine .
• When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
• Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
• Acupuncture is a jab well done.