[Radar]

"He is no more! He has ceised to be!"

John Cleese

"Wink wink, nudge nudge, snap snap, say-no-more say-no-more"

Eric Idle

"and now for something completely different"

Michael Palin



None of your quotes were made by Graham Chapman.

Here's one of my favorite things Graham Chapman ever did...from The Meaning of Life.

Graham Chapman plays Harry Blackitt, and Eric Idle plays his wife Mrs. Blackitt.

========================
MR. HARRY BLACKITT: Look at them, bloody Catholics, filling the bloody world
up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed.

MRS. BLACKITT: What are we dear?

MR. BLACKITT: Protestant, and fiercely proud of it.

MRS. BLACKITT: Hmm. Well, why do they have so many children?

MR. BLACKITT: Because... every time they have sexual intercourse, they have
to have a baby.

MRS. BLACKITT: But it's the same with us, Harry.

MR. BLACKITT: What do you mean?

MRS. BLACKITT: Well, I mean, we've got two children, and we've had sexual
intercourse twice.

MR. BLACKITT: That's not the point. We could have it any time we wanted.

MRS. BLACKITT: Really?

MR. BLACKITT: Oh, yes, and, what's more, because we don't believe in all that
Papist claptrap, we can take precautions.

MRS. BLACKITT: What, you mean... lock the door?

MR. BLACKITT: No, no. I mean, because we are members of the Protestant
Reformed Church, which successfully challenged the autocratic power of the
Papacy in the mid-sixteenth century, we can wear little rubber devices to
prevent issue.

MRS. BLACKITT: What d'you mean?

MR. BLACKITT: I could, if I wanted, have sexual intercourse with you,...

MRS. BLACKITT: Oh, yes, Harry.

MR. BLACKITT: ...and, by wearing a rubber sheath over my old feller, I could
insure... that, when I came off, you would not be impregnated.

MRS. BLACKITT: Ooh!

MR. BLACKITT: That's what being a Protestant's all about. That's why it's
the church for me. That's why it's the church for anyone who respects
the individual and the individual's right to decide for him or herself.
When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in fifteen-
seventeen, he may not have realised the full significance of what he was
doing, but four hundred years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear
whatever I want on my John Thomas,... [sniff] ...and, Protestantism
doesn't stop at the simple condom! Oh, no! I can wear French Ticklers
if I want.

MRS. BLACKITT: You what?

MR. BLACKITT: French Ticklers. Black Mambos. Crocodile Ribs. Sheaths that
are designed not only to protect, but also to enhance the stimulation of
sexual congress.

MRS. BLACKITT: Have you got one?

MR. BLACKITT: Have I got one? Uh, well, no, but I can go down the road any
time I want and walk into Harry's and hold my head up high and say in a
loud, steady voice, 'Harry, I want you to sell me a condom. In fact,
today, I think I'll have a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant.'

MRS. BLACKITT: Well, why don't you?

MR. BLACKITT: But they-- Well, they cannot, 'cause their church never made
the great leap out of the Middle Ages and the domination of alien
episcopal supremacy.

NARRATOR #1: But, despite the attempts of Protestants to promote the idea of
sex for pleasure, children continued to multiply everywhere.