Quote:
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I don't have enough resilience
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You have characterized yourself this way; that is all your invention; and you can characterize yourself in other ways over time. LJ will be around after the game to explain.
Anyway, it's not the case. Human beings are enormously resilient.
You have a responsibility to take care of yourself. It's not an easy responsibility to see. Your situation is dire, as is all of ours too. It will continue to deteriorate, until the point at which you will suffer harder. This just leads to more shame and resentment and trouble. The only answer is to take care of yourself. You have nothing better to do and nothing more important.