U.S. Mortality Rate At All-Time Low
In 2009, the mortality rate in the United States fell 2.3 percent to 741 deaths per 100,000. Here are some of the factors behind the nation's lowest-ever death rate:
- Ignoring that one week when everyone in Minneapolis died
- Loading up boats with really sick people and sending them out to die in international waters
- The so-called "741-per-100,000 Murderer" was captured and incarcerated
- Dr. Christopher Walsh of Youngstown, OH started washing his hands
- Horace Mann Middle School's 1971 removal of asbestos finally started to pay off
- Good chunk of population now getting three nutritious meals a day via correctional facilities
- Shorter bridges that make it easier for people to hold their breath all the way across
- National Rounded-Scissors Act of 2008
http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-...ime-low,19787/