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Old 06-29-2017, 02:42 AM   #7
Iggy
Back and ready to tart up the place
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Kansas
Posts: 850
Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce View Post
Yes, first of all.
I've witnessed your basic outline and complaints playing over and over, only different details. Not enough money, too much debt, making you feel trapped is the most common reason for staying in hell. Maybe that's why so many lottery winners break up.
Kids are the second, and never an easy answer to that one. Is it better to grow up with one loving parent, than grow up in a toxic atmosphere. Not an easy answer to that because of the variables. Some kids can adjust, some can't, but should never be used as a weapon, a threat.

I can't help you with getting up the courage to do it as in my cases both left, so I must be the dick. One with the support of the local Jehovah's Witnesses, and one with a paramore who lived in the boondocks and likely murdered his previous wife.
Neither made me unhappy, but cleaning up the mess and their debts was a struggle.

When you threatened divorce and didn't go through with it did he try to talk you out of it? Act contrite? Play nice for awhile? Sounds like the situation getting better isn't likely, but even if he straightens up, can you bury past transgressions? And if he doesn't can you put up with it?

I'm not being much help other than giving you things to ponder which you've probably pondered ad infinitum. But best wishes for a workable solution.
He didn't really say much... Though he listened to my issues more carefully. We were arguing over the phone at work when I said it so I didn't speak to him about it until several hours later. When he got home he was distant towards me, but we didn't say much as our daughter needed tending to. Once she was settled, he basically asked me calmly if I meant what I had said and asked where should we go from here. He didn't seem phased by it. Didn't seem sad or upset... just resigned. I told him I wasn't sure what I wanted... Andbafter discussing it we came to a compromise on the issue. He hadn't been willing to compromise earlier, which was the last straw for me and prompted my statement that I wanted a divorce. I explained to him that I didn't want to be in a marriage where my opinions weren't important and weren't taken into consideration. It was anticlimactic after the argument we had earlier.

It was interesting because he commented that I shouldn't "threaten" divorce (usually he was the one threatening). I agreed, but the big difference for me was that it wasn't a threat when I said it. He would say things like "delete your Facebook or we are getting a divorce, your choice". I just told him I wanted a divorce... No ultimatum, just a statement. Since I backed out on that statement I could see how he felt it was a threat. However, I honestly didn't expect divorce when I said it.
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