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The Radiohead album 'OK Computer' always gets me. The song No Surpises, even now I can't listen to it. If I do I just...sob. That album was on my playlist during my most unhappy time. The last year and a half of the relationship was a slow death. To love someone and not be in love with them hurts. The overwhelming sense of guilt almost, but not quite overshadowed by feelings of resentment....which then takes you back to guilt. Feeling like you're one of the lost ones. I sometimes just sat on the edge of the couch, alone thinking "I want to go home" knowing I already was....and knowing it wasn't really home. I think I just wanted to be 10 again.
More than any other song, 'No Surprises' seemed to catch that mood for me. The lyrics alone don't show why...it was the combination of the lyrics and the melody and the singer's delivery. I'm sat here typing and even just thinking about that time and that song, playing it through in my head..I'm fighting tears.
No Surprises
A heart that's full up like a landfill,
a job that slowly kills you,
bruises that won't heal.
You look so tired-unhappy,
bring down the government,
they don't, they don't speak for us.
I'll take a quiet life,
a handshake of carbon monoxide,
with no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
Silent silence.
This is my final fit,
my final bellyache,
with no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises please.
Such a pretty house
and such a pretty garden.
No alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises please.
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