[OnyxCougar]

Originally posted by LUVBUGZ
OC,
I just spent two hours reading this thread and am flabbergasted. Life has sure dealt you a shitty hand so far, except for your recent marriage .

**smiles** I'm actually used to it by now. I've decided that for some reason, I had specific lessons to learn, or things to experience. All those bad things, the "shitty hand", made me a better, stronger person. Of course, I do have this weird facial tick.....

I hope for you this one is the real deal. I don't even really know what to say except that you seem like a strong, solid, healthy person now and I applaud you for that. When I hear such a horrific tale as this it makes my measly woes seem irrelevent in the scheme of things. By your overcoming and moving on, I feel hope that I can "not sweat the small stuff" and try to live life in a more positive manner.

Well, if that's what my drama brings to you, I'm glad for it. I'd hate to think that I went through all that stuff for nothing. *smirk*

Please don't take my post as turning attention to me, but I just want to let you know that even though I don't know you personally you have impacted me by surviving such bad things and turning out to be such a good, caring, friendly person.

Well, thanks. I suppose I could have let things get out of hand, mentally, and just given up and let myself be "the victim". Those are the kinds of things that make or break a person. I feel the same way about people who lose their children. It was bad to lose Steven, but it would be worse to lose one of my kids. I am thankful that, relatively speaking, I got off as easily as I did. My husband, Steve, lost his 3 day old daughter to Strep throat 12 years ago. My step mother lost her 21 year old daughter, a girl I went to high school with, when a train hit the car she was riding in. She gets crunchy at Christmastime every year, when it happened. There are people who have lost SO much MORE than I have. So while you look at me and say, "damn, she lost a fiancee." I look at me and say, "damn, if that's the worst that ever happens, I'm one of the lucky ones." It's all in the outlook.

I'm curious, what did you end up doing? Did you get word to the lawyer that Justin is OK, did you not make any further contact? I really don't know what I would do in this situation. I think I would send the lawyer a note saying that you have no interest in relaying any info. about your child to the "shitbag" in prison and that if he wanted to know how his son was he should of thought of that 12 years ago. I'd add the part about..."This is the same man that, when I told him I was pregnant, said, "Is it too late for you to get an abortion?" The same person that ultimately pushed me to give Justin to Travis' aunt (we were homeless because he wouldn't work), and the same person that physically and emotionally abused me for over 2 years. After I had returned to England with Justin, I sent him a picture of Justin and a picture of Stonehenge. He sent the picture of Justin back and said he didn't care about him, but would I send a few more of Stonehenge?" for good measure. I really don't know though, something like this may just make "the asshole" more curious.

I simply didn't reply. I figure if he wants to know so bad that he sets the state to looking for me, (and they find me) I can then tell the state I want all the back child support that I should have gotten from their ward. I have a feeling that I know Travis pretty well, tho, and he doesn't really care, he is just trying to make himself look "fatherly" to the attorney for whatever he's trying to get away with this time.

I was also curious (but if you'd rather not discuss it I would fully understand)...about Justin. Does he live with you now?

No, he lives with David, one of my ex's, and the father of my youngest. David is who I was with when we picked him up. Generally speaking, he's a stable, mature, very disciplined individual. Very responsible. When I couldn't make it in Vegas anymore, I asked him if he would take both the boys (he's had Piglet since we separated). He thought it over, and finally agreed. So all three of my babies are in Mississippi with him now. I think the boys really needed the father figure and the discipline in their lives at this stage. (ages 15 and 10). I will probably get them back next summer. Justin can't wait.

Does he have any guilt feelings (for lack of better words) about what happened, I mean like feeling he was in some way responsible for his dad's (I can hardly bring myself to call this "sick-ass, murdering, piece of shit" someone's 'dad') behavior? Does he show any signs that he might consider himself a "bad seed" and think he might end up like "sperm donor"? I am in no way insinuating that this is likely to happen, but I remember seeing shows about children who are the product of a rape and when they learn of the circumstances of their conception they feel like they are not worthy human beings and other things along the "bad seed" line and go on to have mental and behavioral problems that affect their lives. I was just wondering if this might be true of a child whos parent commited a horrible crime like murder.

I don't think he has any ideas like that, but I do know he has ALOT of anger issues. My mother and sister seem to think he hates women, although I don't see that. He looks EXACTLY like Travis, down to the way his teeth are sitting in his mouth, and it was difficult for me, at first, to accept him back into my life. He was incredibly traumatized.

The kids at school were teasing him about "your dad custs people up and puts them in hefty bags" and things of that nature. They were talking about Ron.

Justin didn't know Travis was his father. They never told him. (Of course, he was 7 at the time, and would NOT have understood, so I'm not mad about that.) I wanted to go with the police officers to Justin's school or have them go by his house and pick up clothes and say goodbye, but they wouldn't do it.

My first sight of him in over 5 years was when they brought him to the police station, and his teacher (who had come with him) bent over and said, "Now, see? That sure looks like your real mom!"

He went from a family of 8 kids (Bobbie had 7 total + Justin) in Oregon, to a 15 month old autistic brother with speech problems, and a very large, intimidating black man as his new father, a 6 foot 1 mother he never met, and got whisked away to England, of all places.

He was in second grade. Couldn't write, or even recognize his own name on paper. He had a birth defect I was not aware of, that, since it was left untreated, caused him to be blind in one of his eyes, and has sever nystagmus in both. Soon as we got him to England, we began patching treatment, and corrective surgery to straighten them out some, but the problem is with his optic nerve...and it cemented incorrectly over the 7 years they failed to get him treated. (That DOES piss me off.)

During one year of British school, he caught up a great deal, so we enrolled him in the same school the following year. (They group children by age there, not academic acheivement.) He entered 4th year there, and at the end of the year we came home and moved to Vegas. They tested him and placed him in 3rd grade. So he effectively lost 2 years. He's going to be 16 in December, and he's in 9th grade.

We took him to various psychologists over the years, both American and British, and he will not talk to them. It's a waste of time and effort, and he gets more pissed off at me for making him go. They recommend me trying every other year or so for 3 month periods, perhaps he'll open up.

He is alot like me. He picked up alot of my habits (which, glad to say are mostly benign). We had the same sense of humor. He does have a tendency to bully his little brother, and just like me, he does not play well with others at school. He's a loner. I remember going to the library every day during lunch to read. He can't read well, so he walks around the fence by himself. He doesn't fit in not only because his age, but because he has had to mature so much so soon.

He's not happy at David's, because he is so much more rigid then I am, but I guarantee his grades will be better, and he's already the manager of the football team. (If you can't play with em, lead em.)

I have never told him the specifics of what Travis did. I have told him that Travis has no interest in him. He still wants to go see him when he turns 18. I told him I'd go with him if he wants, he says, he'll think about whether or not he wants me to go. I think it's a growing up thing for him. I think he's hoping Travis will suddenly want to be his dad... He doesn't understand that even if he wanted to (he doesn't) he lost that chance a long time ago.

So I guess the short answer is, he's doing ok, with a few more issues than the normal 16 year old male... but I think he'll be fine.

My bad ass kids, 2 years ago