Thanks, Lamp. You're so kind.
I don't ever give up, really I don't. But sometimes I think I could. Just let go, you know? What is it all for, anyway? I have no posterity. I don't have any lasting contributions to this society.
Ah well, I'm in more pain today than I expected and I'm sure that colors my outlook.
It's really sick...that I think about if I needed surgery and how someone would have to take care of me. I never want anyone to have to take care of me. But the idea of recuperating and people bringing me food and making me comfortable...and, you know, caring? Yeah, that's pretty sick.
I think my dad is the only person close to me who has implied that if I'm miserable, this job isn't worth it. Everyone else is like deer in headlights...watching to see me screw everything up. Well, keep watching, folks. I'm sure there will be another showing any day now.
I'm sorry, guys. I just don't know who to talk to.