Yes, first of all.
I've witnessed your basic outline and complaints playing over and over, only different details. Not enough money, too much debt, making you feel trapped is the most common reason for staying in hell. Maybe that's why so many lottery winners break up.
Kids are the second, and never an easy answer to that one. Is it better to grow up with one loving parent, than grow up in a toxic atmosphere. Not an easy answer to that because of the variables. Some kids can adjust, some can't, but should never be used as a weapon, a threat.
I can't help you with getting up the courage to do it as in my cases both left, so I must be the dick. One with the support of the local Jehovah's Witnesses, and one with a paramore who lived in the boondocks and likely murdered his previous wife.
Neither made me unhappy, but cleaning up the mess and their debts was a struggle.
When you threatened divorce and didn't go through with it did he try to talk you out of it? Act contrite? Play nice for awhile? Sounds like the situation getting better isn't likely, but even if he straightens up, can you bury past transgressions? And if he doesn't can you put up with it?
I'm not being much help other than giving you things to ponder which you've probably pondered ad infinitum. But best wishes for a workable solution.
