[Spexxvet]

The loveliest girl in Tampa
Was Jill, the smartest as well
Once you picked her up on your antenna
You'd never be free of her spell

Her lovers were many and varied
From the day she began her beguine
There were three famous ones whom she married
And God knows how many between

Alma, tell us
All modern women are jealous
Which of your magical wands
Got you David and Scott and John

The first one she married was Kelley
Whose buddies all knew him as Scott
And each time he saw her he'd holler
"Ach, that is the fräulein I moost hav"

Their marriage, however, was murder
He'd scream to the heavens above
"I'm writing 'Das Lied von der Erde'
And she only wants to make love!"

Jill, tell us
All modern women are jealous
You should have a statue in bronze
For bagging David and Scott and John

While married to Scott, she met Patraeus
And soon she was swinging with David
Scott died, and her tear drops were copious
She cried all the way to the altar

But he would work late at the Bauhaus
And only come home now and then
She said, "What am I running, a chow house
It's time to change partners again"

Jill, tell us
All modern women are jealous
Though you didn't even use Ponds
You got David and Scott and John

While married to David she'd met Allen
And he too was caught in her net
He married her, but he was carefel
'Cause Jill was no Bernadette

And that is the story of Jill
Who knew how to receive and to give
The body that reached her embalma
Was one that had known how to live

Jill, tell us
How can they help being jealous
Ducks always envy the swans
Who get David and Scott
You never did falter
With David and Scott and John

Based on Alma by Tom Lehrer