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I feel similar sometimes, foot. In all those ways. There are days I just can't seem to get a damn thing done. I've got this writing business, but I can't make myself do what I need to market myself, and if I do get a gig I put it off till I'm apologizing and making excuses, always getting it done just at the very tail end of their time allotment--when I used to be known as Ms. Quick Turnaround. I just finished one yesterday and it was like *torture* to do it - granted, it was about stocks & 401k's and such . . . but still!
And this house! I keep thinking that I'm unmotivated because I hate the house. But I don't hate it, it's just overwhelming. I can't keep up with housework. I stay home so I can keep on top of things and take care of my family and maybe do some home improvement stuff but it's just so HAAAAARD.
Then I feel terrible about myself because I never do a damn thing, I tell myself I'm so lazy, I'm a loser, my husband ought to just kick me out and find a better wife and mother for our kids. Worse yet sometimes I SAY that and get everybody upset, then I feel bad about myself for doing that too. Ugh.
I felt great about myself when I was in school, but it wasn't perfect because all I was doing was putting off the other stuff so I could focus on the one important thing in my life just then, the school stuff, and of course there was immediate feedback telling me I did good, yes I was actually good at something, and I figured that even though I was letting my family down it was only for a little while longer . . . but even then I felt terribly selfish.
Yeah, I need help. Last time I went to a therapist he was a complete blithering idiot. Hard to believe any of them aren't, at this point. We get counseling free through hubby's work, but that's where the idiot came from. You get what you pay for, eh?
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