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I spent some time on the doughnut as well, thought I was suffering (literally) from some kind of horrible ass cancer until I went to the doctor.
I had an external thrombosed 'roid (don't look it up online, its not goatse-nasty, but it's not pretty), and he splayed me over an exam table and surgically excised it. I had some discomfort after the pain meds wore off, but nothing like before! Of course, his bedside manner could have used a little help. As he was down there with a scalpel, he yelled out enthusiastically, "Congratulations, it's a boy!"
Which, incidentally, I admit was hysterical, and broke the tension like you wouldn't believe. Well, maybe increased the tension, because he was still hovering around my ass with a sharp, pointy object at the time.
I had tried some homepathic stuff (ingested, not topical), but I don't think it did much, if anything. Surgery worked great, though. Haven't had a significant flare-up since.
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