I admit, the BMW X5 is heavy and has a 7 sec 0-60 and a limited top speed. Since no eastern US highway permits anything close to its top speed, that's a non-issue. The X5 has reasonable cargo volume and is quick enough to leave the fastest pickup in the dust, which is all that's required in Pennsyltucky.
What I'd really love would be a vehicle that could go off-road across my property in the event of snowstorms and get me to sources of food and sand ... and also let me leave the bad boys sucking dust.