I'll be the guy who miraculously manages to survive, unscathed, and defeats all the zombies. At the very end of the film, I release the villagers who have barricaded themselves in the local school, and, my back to the camera, as I hoist a little girl into the bright sky, smiling and laughing with relief that the nightmare is over, my shirt comes untucked and you can see a fresh zombie bite mark on the small of my back. I turn to face the camera with a leering, evil grin.
Dolly Zoom, cut to black, dramatic music, roll credits.