The Cellar - View Single Post - What might be making you a tad apprehensive, but might not, as it's too soon to tell

glatt · 04-17-2015, 08:20 AM

My neighbor, Mary. Really sweet little old lady. We've been helping her out for years, shoveling her driveway and taking her garbage cans to to curb, helping to bring her groceries in if we happen to see her get back from the store. She must be 90 or so.

Her daughter in CA calls her every evening at 5PM, and yesterday, Mary didn't answer. So the daughter called my wife. Wife went over and knocked on the back door and peeked in the window and saw Mary on the floor in the living room, not moving.

So she went back into our house and called the daughter back. At this point, I got home from work. So the daughter gave us permission to enter the house (we have a key) and told us that her mom has a DNR, so if she's not breathing to just leave her alone.

I knocked on the front door, and used the key to undo the deadbolt, and pushed the door open, and Mary screamed "Who's there?" Scared the shit out of me. I was expecting to be dealing with a body.

But Mary was on the floor, and she couldn't get herself up. And when my wife and I tried to gently help her up into a nearby chair, she felt a sharp pain in her back, so we stopped. Called the daughter on the cell phone. Gave the phone to Mary, and Mary proceeded to make it sound like everything was all just fine and there was no cause for concern at all. Had the daughter completely convinced even though this entire conversation took place with Mary on the floor in a loose fetal position. Then gave the phone back to us and we told the daughter the mom was still on the floor. So we all decided it was time for 911. Mary was strongly opposed to that. She wanted us to leave her on the floor.

The paramedics were great. Nice and calming. They obviously do this all the time and know just what to say. They also had trouble moving her without causing pain, but they rolled her gently onto the stretcher placed on the floor right next to her.

She was mostly completely coherent, but had a few details that were just plain crazy. Like she said she hadn't fallen, but got down on the floor intentionally to check to see if our kids were home from school. And she thought she was on the bedroom floor, while we were in the living room. And she wanted her breakfast, even though it was 6PM.

My wife drove to the ER to meet the ambulance and be with her until some other relatives who live 2 hours away could make it to the hospital.

So it's too soon to tell, but I bet she doesn't come back. Her house isn't wheelchair accessible and she lives alone, so I don't think she can take care of herself any more. I think we're losing a good neighbor. And I'm apprehensive that the new neighbor won't be as good.

The one thing that I'm really happy about, is that we can go visit her in the hospital and future assisted living facility at our own pace, and then just go home and not have to worry about her. She has her own family, and they are the ones who get to worry. We can just do what feels right for us instead of having any sort of obligation. That's so refreshing after 3-4 years of my FIL being in this same situation and we were on the hook there.

04-17-2015, 08:20 AM	#753
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	My neighbor, Mary. Really sweet little old lady. We've been helping her out for years, shoveling her driveway and taking her garbage cans to to curb, helping to bring her groceries in if we happen to see her get back from the store. She must be 90 or so. Her daughter in CA calls her every evening at 5PM, and yesterday, Mary didn't answer. So the daughter called my wife. Wife went over and knocked on the back door and peeked in the window and saw Mary on the floor in the living room, not moving. So she went back into our house and called the daughter back. At this point, I got home from work. So the daughter gave us permission to enter the house (we have a key) and told us that her mom has a DNR, so if she's not breathing to just leave her alone. I knocked on the front door, and used the key to undo the deadbolt, and pushed the door open, and Mary screamed "Who's there?" Scared the shit out of me. I was expecting to be dealing with a body. But Mary was on the floor, and she couldn't get herself up. And when my wife and I tried to gently help her up into a nearby chair, she felt a sharp pain in her back, so we stopped. Called the daughter on the cell phone. Gave the phone to Mary, and Mary proceeded to make it sound like everything was all just fine and there was no cause for concern at all. Had the daughter completely convinced even though this entire conversation took place with Mary on the floor in a loose fetal position. Then gave the phone back to us and we told the daughter the mom was still on the floor. So we all decided it was time for 911. Mary was strongly opposed to that. She wanted us to leave her on the floor. The paramedics were great. Nice and calming. They obviously do this all the time and know just what to say. They also had trouble moving her without causing pain, but they rolled her gently onto the stretcher placed on the floor right next to her. She was mostly completely coherent, but had a few details that were just plain crazy. Like she said she hadn't fallen, but got down on the floor intentionally to check to see if our kids were home from school. And she thought she was on the bedroom floor, while we were in the living room. And she wanted her breakfast, even though it was 6PM. My wife drove to the ER to meet the ambulance and be with her until some other relatives who live 2 hours away could make it to the hospital. So it's too soon to tell, but I bet she doesn't come back. Her house isn't wheelchair accessible and she lives alone, so I don't think she can take care of herself any more. I think we're losing a good neighbor. And I'm apprehensive that the new neighbor won't be as good. The one thing that I'm really happy about, is that we can go visit her in the hospital and future assisted living facility at our own pace, and then just go home and not have to worry about her. She has her own family, and they are the ones who get to worry. We can just do what feels right for us instead of having any sort of obligation. That's so refreshing after 3-4 years of my FIL being in this same situation and we were on the hook there.