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Flint · 10-28-2019, 12:12 AM

Thank you all for your responses, it means a great deal to me and I appreciate you taking the time.

It's not easy for me to express my internal states verbally, so writing it out helps. I apologize for the delay in responding, I was thinking that any response would be inadequate to the value of what's been posted here.

I'm working on shifting my internal state/attitude towards a more effective mental routine, and working through what I think my hang-ups are is something I feel like I need to go through. I do understand that this is what talk therapy is for, and I have had a counselor in recent years and it did help. Right now I'm in a rural area with woefully inadequate mental health resources, and I have reached out in various avenues and have come up short of actually getting any help.

And I absolutely DO have the ƒuck-its. I've pushed myself beyond my comfort zone for about 15 years, put everything into stability and longevity, but haven't reaped those rewards. Just recently, I was down to getting gas with handfuls of quarters and eating frozen burritos while having one of the only good white-collar jobs in the entire county. Honestly, it's bullshit.

What if I just get drunk and play video games and take viagra and have orgies every night, is that what I should have been doing this whole time? What if I push my drumming skills to the limit and become so in-demand that I'm working every night? Well goddammit I'm doing all those things and it all sucks. All I really wanted was a two-car garage in a good school district, and I did all the work and I achieved those things, but it's all gone and I'm more of a loser than I was to begin with.

...

THERE NOW i GOT THAT OUT OF THE WAY AND i CAN POST ON THE CELLAR AGAIN

10-28-2019, 12:12 AM	#20
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	Thank you all for your responses, it means a great deal to me and I appreciate you taking the time. It's not easy for me to express my internal states verbally, so writing it out helps. I apologize for the delay in responding, I was thinking that any response would be inadequate to the value of what's been posted here. I'm working on shifting my internal state/attitude towards a more effective mental routine, and working through what I think my hang-ups are is something I feel like I need to go through. I do understand that this is what talk therapy is for, and I have had a counselor in recent years and it did help. Right now I'm in a rural area with woefully inadequate mental health resources, and I have reached out in various avenues and have come up short of actually getting any help. And I absolutely DO have the ƒuck-its. I've pushed myself beyond my comfort zone for about 15 years, put everything into stability and longevity, but haven't reaped those rewards. Just recently, I was down to getting gas with handfuls of quarters and eating frozen burritos while having one of the only good white-collar jobs in the entire county. Honestly, it's bullshit. What if I just get drunk and play video games and take viagra and have orgies every night, is that what I should have been doing this whole time? What if I push my drumming skills to the limit and become so in-demand that I'm working every night? Well goddammit I'm doing all those things and it all sucks. All I really wanted was a two-car garage in a good school district, and I did all the work and I achieved those things, but it's all gone and I'm more of a loser than I was to begin with. ... THERE NOW i GOT THAT OUT OF THE WAY AND i CAN POST ON THE CELLAR AGAIN __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio** Last edited by Flint; 10-28-2019 at 12:31 AM.