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No, I was just basically tired of still being in process, and complaining about how long it's taking.
Things are getting better. I'm not wracked with grief when I get up in the morning, or when I get into an empty bed at night. I don't cry all day anymore... some days I don't cry at all. I am enjoying time with my friends. I have a crush... a small one, but to me that shows I'm healing, that I have space in my heart to feel that way about someone new. I'm looking forward to things again.
I'm not in stasis, just complaining about the process. I have a long time of loving to get over.
The hardest thing, for me, is not to hope. His face lit up when he saw me. He knows I go to that bar, and he knows I have Monday and Tuesday nights free. I think about hope, and how hope holds me back. I know that if I indulge in it, I'm still hanging on to something that's over, and I can't do that. So, I open my hand and let that strand drop. One less thing connecting me to him.
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