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Old 06-07-2015, 08:09 AM   #49
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
Oh, offence is a funny one. Everybody has their own idea of what may or may not be offensive.

At a theoretical level I'm less concerned with the content - I'm more concerned with the context and degree of imposition. At a personal level, the content matters - but again, it's not really about offence. If a bloke tells me my mouth would look a lot better round his cock (and I must say that sort of comment doesn't come my way much now I'm in my 40s ;p) my response isn't so much to be offended, as it is to be flummoxed, embarrassed, suddenly and cripplingly self-conscious and to try and exit the encounter with as much grace as possible.

The only time I feel offended, as such, is when someone has made a really horrible comment which intended to hurt and offend - like being told by a random stranger that i look like a man in a dress - or that I look like a dog.

I've been frightened and intimidated by encounters though. But again - that is all about context.

Here's two real life scenarios that show a distinct tonal difference:

1. Walking through a housing estate, past a shop and there's a group of young men larking about. They see me coming, and block my way. They're smiling and joking, but I am also half surrounded. One of them makes a lewd suggestion - another says, 'ignore him' and laughingly puts his arm around my shoulders.

I laughed along, made a comment of my own and continued on my way.

It doesn't sound like much - and they didn't say or do anything greatly offensive - but their physical domination of the pavement, and imposition of their interaction on me was intimidating.

2. Standing outside a hotel in London having a quick smoke and a young, very hip looking black guy in his 20s calls over to me if he could get a cig off me. Then asked me if I was looking for another kind of smoke. I declined as i was already sorted for that (;p) he made a very flattering comment and invited me to go back home with him to get wasted. I declined. And before he went on his way he asked if he could hug me goodbye. So we hugged.

That was a positive interaction. He was very sweet - there was a little flirting -It was an uninvited approach from a total stranger - but he wasn't imposing or intimidating. It had a social context - a conversational opening gambit, with continued interaction following social cues. If he'd have made a real pass at me or something, at that point, whilst I'd have declined, i certainly wouldn't have been offended.

The trouble with catcalling is it is without the appropriate
social context. Otherwise it wouldn't be catcalling.
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