Maybe so, maybe so. Ultimately it's up to me to not drink. Drinking was a way to deal, no doubt, then it turned on me; knowing I cannot handle alcohol, knowing I am alcoholic, I have a responsibility to NOT DRINK regardless of the reasons. Thanks for understanding, though. It's complicated.
I do try to work the program (with a sponsor and everything!) but CBT has been a lot more helpful in re-training my thoughts. Even so, his voice still gets stuck in my head now and then. Such a negative, nasty, hateful, sick and evil man.
He told me he was going to outlive me. He really plans on that. Nothing would please him more than to plant me in the ground. It's THAT much hate.
Ugh.