[Squawk]

I almost won the prize this NYE. I was about to leave my flat at around 7.30pm when I found the lock had seized on my front door and I couldn't get out. Fortunately I remembered I had a pair of mole grips in one of my four tool boxes, so I tried to turn the knob with them. It turned, but didn't open the latch. Shit. Then I thought I would unscrew the fixing on the door frame, but the screws were covered in paint. Ah! I'll hammer a screwdriver into the screw heads so I can turn them. Shit, my sister's got my hammer. Ah! I've got a lump hammer I found in a park bin at work! But no luck bashing off the paint, and back to square one. I was now thinking, how am I going to get a locksmith out on New Year's Eve? Also, it's going to cost me a fortune. Then I tried unscrewing the four screws on the lock itself, but it was still wedged between the catch and the outside lock barrel. Then I remembered I also had a swan neck wrecking bar I'd found in the same park bin, and was finally able to lever off the lock and escape from my flat. And go to the party!