Sorcery VS Rectum

lumberjim · 03-28-2007, 09:27 AM

You need an ass transplant or you'll die. The anus costs $25,000, and you can't find a donor.

Is this any different than someone putting a magic wand to your head and demanding $25,000 to not cast the spell? If it's different, how?

DanaC · 03-28-2007, 09:29 AM

lj are you very bored today?

TheMercenary · 03-28-2007, 09:37 AM

I would say you are basically hosed since you can't really get an ass transplant and magic is not going to cure your ailment.

DanaC · 03-28-2007, 09:41 AM

hehe....he said hosed...hehe

Shawnee123 · 03-28-2007, 09:48 AM

I am SO sick of hearing "wah, I want to get a new rectum but I'm a single parent and you people (I love being "you people") won't help me ...boohoo."

Sundae · 03-28-2007, 10:01 AM

In the UK you are required to register your rectum at birth. The information is stored on an ID card in Whitehall. When you start earning a wage above the official poverty line, a Rectum Tax is applied to your wages on a Pay As You Go basis - the self employed have to calculate their own.

If at any point in the future you need a transplant, the money is taken out of this fund to do it. The poor get theirs free, the rich pay for it privately and the middle class have to wait for 6 months while all the paperwork is checked to make sure they have earned enough to cover the cost of the operation. Unless they submit the claim Out Of Hours, in which case they can only be operated on on the last day of any given month.

Seems perfectly fair and simple to me, and I don't understand why this isn't the model adopted by the US.

It is entirely different to being held to ransom by a magic wand. The first scenario is one you can plan for, whether by saving money yourself or committing to higher taxes. The second is one where someone without morals has been allowed to get hold of a dangerous magical item. Wands don't ruin arses, people do.

TheMercenary · 03-28-2007, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

I am SO sick of hearing "wah, I want to get a new rectum but I'm a single parent and you people (I love being "you people") won't help me ...boohoo."

"Butt, Butt, Butt (pun) I am entitled to a new one, cause this one is all worn out, and you should pay for me to get a new one..."

TheMercenary · 03-28-2007, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

... and the middle class have to wait for 6 months while all the paperwork is checked to make sure they have earned enough to cover the cost of the operation. Unless they submit the claim Out Of Hours, in which case they can only be operated on on the last day of any given month.

And in which case your rectal disease has spread to your liver, brain, and bone and now there is no hope for you. To the back of the line you!

Spexxvet · 03-28-2007, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

You need an ass transplant or you'll die. The anus costs $25,000, and you can't find a donor.
...

You don't have to pay $25,000 - there's an asshole in your chair at this very moment.

Oh no I di-int!

Spexxvet · 03-28-2007, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

I am SO sick of hearing "wah, I want to get a new rectum but I'm a single parent and you people (I love being "you people") won't help me ...boohoo."

You know, if people wouldn't use anal loopholes, and avoid paying their anal tax, there would be plenty for everyone to have a minimal amount of rectal coverage. Instead we have our asses all over the world, shitting in Iraq and Afghanistan, wasting our sphincters on foreigners. The nerve!

Shawnee123 · 03-28-2007, 11:28 AM

Damn, you are the funniest people on earth!

TheMercenary · 03-28-2007, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spexxvet

You know, if people wouldn't use anal loopholes, and avoid paying their anal tax, there would be plenty for everyone to have a minimal amount of rectal coverage. Instead we have our asses all over the world, shitting in Iraq and Afghanistan, wasting our sphincters on foreigners. The nerve!

Yep, it will eventually wreck tem.:p

lumberjim · 03-28-2007, 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spexxvet

You don't have to pay $25,000 - there's an asshole in your chair at this very moment.

Oh no I di-int!

i think that would cause a rectal-donor-feedback loop that would in turn cause a collapse of the space-time facbric in my immediate region. once that kind of thing gets going, it just sucks up everything around, including canal water. I've been told that my ass sucks canal water, but i didn't appreciate it at the time, and if for no other reason than to thwart the accuracy of that statement, I'll have to decline to provide my self with my self as an asshole donor. I would accept your lips, however......as they are quite sphincter like and already shitty.

Spexxvet · 03-28-2007, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

... I would accept your lips, however......as they are quite sphincter like and already shitty.

Shitty? I only toss clean salads

lumberjim · 03-28-2007, 02:41 PM

shitty in the metaphorical sense, of course.

03-28-2007, 09:27 AM	#1
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	Sorcery VS Rectum You need an ass transplant or you'll die. The anus costs $25,000, and you can't find a donor. Is this any different than someone putting a magic wand to your head and demanding $25,000 to not cast the spell? If it's different, how? __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

03-28-2007, 09:37 AM	#3
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	I would say you are basically hosed since you can't really get an ass transplant and magic is not going to cure your ailment. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

03-28-2007, 09:48 AM	#5
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	I am SO sick of hearing "wah, I want to get a new rectum but I'm a single parent and you people (I love being "you people") won't help me ...boohoo." __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

03-28-2007, 10:01 AM	#6
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	In the UK you are required to register your rectum at birth. The information is stored on an ID card in Whitehall. When you start earning a wage above the official poverty line, a Rectum Tax is applied to your wages on a Pay As You Go basis - the self employed have to calculate their own. If at any point in the future you need a transplant, the money is taken out of this fund to do it. The poor get theirs free, the rich pay for it privately and the middle class have to wait for 6 months while all the paperwork is checked to make sure they have earned enough to cover the cost of the operation. Unless they submit the claim Out Of Hours, in which case they can only be operated on on the last day of any given month. Seems perfectly fair and simple to me, and I don't understand why this isn't the model adopted by the US. It is entirely different to being held to ransom by a magic wand. The first scenario is one you can plan for, whether by saving money yourself or committing to higher taxes. The second is one where someone without morals has been allowed to get hold of a dangerous magical item. Wands don't ruin arses, people do. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

03-28-2007, 11:28 AM	#11
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Damn, you are the funniest people on earth! __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

03-28-2007, 09:29 AM	#2
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	lj are you very bored today?

03-28-2007, 09:41 AM	#4
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	hehe....he said hosed...hehe

03-28-2007, 02:41 PM	#15
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	shitty in the metaphorical sense, of course. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

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