Too Close to Home...Way too Fucking Close

[Elspode]

Yesterday, Kansas City was stunned by the shooting deaths and wounding of several people at the Ward Parkway Shopping Center by a deranged gunman who, a few minutes earlier, had shot a police officer while escaping from a traffic stop while driving the stolen car of the gunman's murdered next door neighbor. What makes this one different for me is that the gunman was a friend of mine.

David Logsdon was shot dead by Kansas City police officers as he shot over 30 rounds from a carbine rifle in a crowded Target store. The horror and devastation could have been much, much worse without the quick and certain action by these officers.

I now sit here utterly stunned to think that this man could have sunk so far in the two years since I had spoken with him. I cannot say I didn't see signs of his gradual slide into alcoholism and mental illness, primarily triggered by the suicide five years ago of a mutual friend of ours upon whom he had an enormous crush, and the subsequent failure of a love affair with an alcoholic, doomed Southern girl who died of a failed liver mere months after Dave called her family to take her home and get her help.

Dave was once a bastion of the Pagan community in KC. He and another mutual friend had a Pagan-oriented radio program on our local Community radio station. It was while appearing on his show with my longtime partner Lane to play some music and promo a gig that I first met Dave. He later became our sound man for a few gigs, and his friendship/crush with Kim, the suicide I mentioned, brought our own friendship much closer. Selene counseled Dave and his now-deceased alcoholic girlfriend Char before their dysfunction became too great for even her insightful skills to help.

Truly, this is one of those situations where I wonder whether or not I could have been a better friend. Perhaps if he'd had a friendly, sympathetic ear from someone who really knew him and cared about him, he wouldn't have gone over the edge.

I was hoping to see him this Saturday, in fact, as I had emailed him last week inviting him to a party for an out of town friend who is coming to visit, another member of what we once jokingly called "The Pagan Mafia", a backhanded nickname handed to a group of us who had once pissed off a major local Pagan troll and drawn his flames in quantity and viciousness.

Dave won't be attending, and I'll be real surprised if the cops, once they've subpoenaed his email accounts, don't come to see me, asking for an explanation of just what the fuck the Pagan Mafia is.

For those of you who are anti-gun, and who will seize upon this as the perfect example of what is wrong with our gun laws, I'll just say this...Dave was a warrior type of Pagan, an ex MP, cop and security guard. He was never a tree hugger, but I never thought he was a murderer, either. I'm not in favor of disarming the public. I am in favor of people who need help with substance abuse, depression and mental illness getting that help.

Dave's sister (whom I have never met) was on the radio this afternoon, saying that she had tried to get him that help. I don't know why he didn't get it. I wish he had.

Maybe four people would still be alive if he had.

Story here:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070430/...ll_shooting_37

[glatt]

Damn, Spode. I woke up to this news on the radio. I'm so sorry.

[Elspode]

My heart is just broken...I ache for those whom he murdered, their families, and the wounded and terrorized who had to endure his madness.

I really don't think I'm going to be able to cry enough.

[freshnesschronic]

My condolences on such a personal issue for you Elspode.
But you can't blame yourself.

[sycamore]

I'm sorry to hear this, Ep. But don't beat yourself up over the what-ifs...it's not worth it.

[Elspode]

I know...I don't blame myself at all. I just so desperately wish that this hadn't happened.

[freshnesschronic]

Life is unpredictable. Something I'm trying to understand as well.

[Cloud]

wow, wow. small world--and a depressing one, far too often.

It's so sad to watch a friend spiral downwards. I've had that experience (though not to that extreme). Please don't blame yourself.

[bluecuracao]

I'm very sad to hear about your closeness to this, Elspode...I'm certain you and Selene gave him as much friendship as was possible.

*Sends loving and healing energy to all concerned*

[Beestie]

You were the first person I thought of when I heard the story.

Man, I'm really sorry that happened. Every day is precious as are those around us.

[Elspode]

I can't even tell you how many times I've been to that shopping center. I used to live a block away from it when I was in sixth grade, and walked down there all the time. Selene and I still drop in there as there are a couple of stores there that are still somewhat unique.

Too close by half.

[zippyt]

damn Splode !!!
sorry to hear about this ,
we have lost a few friends to drugs , allways SAD !!

[Elspode]

Much as I hate to say it about Dave, if he was going to end up dead anyway, I wish he would have just blown his own brains out, and left the innocents out of the picture.

[richlevy]

I haven't got anything to say other than I'm sorry for your pain. It sounds like there was nothing you could have done to change things.