Kid's sports - Revenge of the Coaches

[lookout123]

Steve I understand what you're saying. Some people place too much emphasis on winning or being the best at all costs when it comes to their kids' sports. That makes sense though. Think about it, these people don't hide in the basement only to come out and scream and yell on saturday. You live with them everyday - they're the weaksuck coworker who fails at everything. They're the psychopath department head who will grind his people into dust then sell them down the river if there is a chance for a promotion. They're the chest pounding men who grunt and have to point at pictures on menus, only to be completely whipped and under the thumb at home. They're...

Get the point? Even if you don't put your kids in sports they will still see these people eventually - probably when they're doing their kids science fair project. It is good to let your kids see them early on. Teach them the difference between good competitive urges and misdirected aggression. Sports is a nice low threat way to teach your kids how to navigate the minefields of idiocy they will encounter throughout their lives.

IMO

[lookout123]

HA! We won't win all our games this session but the kids will pull together when it counts. Always good to win the session opener. Full match report to follow.

[xoxoxoBruce]

The only reason you might not win all your games, is your hangup about good sportsmanship and the good of the kids.

[lookout123]

I really don't know what they're complaining about. It's not as if my kids can do this:

[hideouse]

Good on ya mate! If I were near you I'd be dragging my kids to train with you, even if They couldn't get on the field. YOU DA MAN!

[lookout123]

This morning was the first game of this session. The roster had changed yet again since the final roster had been posted on Wednesday, and Monday, and the previous Wednesday. This time they removed a new girl who hadn't come to practice and added a new boy who didn't come to the game. That meant that we had 7 players, my 6 returning kids plus the new boy who had come to practice. That's ok, it takes 7 to field a team and we had 7 there. Who needs a sub, right?

The team we were playing was none other than the one coached by my new BFF, Mr KnuckleCrunching BallJuggler. This is the team that managed to steal C, one of my best players from last session. Of course, it is also the team that somehow managed to end up with 5 kids he used to coach at another club. Weird how that works, huh?

I was there early to get my kids' uniforms ready and was watching the game before ours. It sucked. Jumble ball to the max. I have not seen that poor of a showing in this age group at the club before. The director walked up to me and made a comment about how good it was to see that all the teams seemed to be evenly matched. The first game had been decided by one point, the second by 2, and the current one was tied at 2 apiece. I tried vainly to hold my retort in but, "Do you really think it is a good thing that we have at least six teams who are complete shit?" escaped my mouth. He wasn't amused. Fine, I didn't mean it to be amusing. Our club is generally known for decent quality without the jumble ball that is the stereotypical kids' soccer. I'm pretty concerned about what I saw today and how it will reflect on the club if it wasn't a one off fluke day.

Anyway, it was time for our game. The other team had bigger kids and more of them without a single girl on the team. I know a couple of the kids to be real players as they've been around awhile. I lined my kids up in a pretty neutral manner with my weakest goalie in the box, two decent defenders, the new boy and my wallflower girl as forwards, and Lil Lookout and B in the midfield so they could go forward if they could, but could also drop back and pick up the defensive pieces if we were being pushed around. The whistle blew and then so did the game. Jumble Ball. A complete and utter cluster fuck. My kids all looked confused when a tripping pushing yelling mass of orange shirts started moving all over the field as if they were all tied together at the waste. No structure, no positioning, no direction from the sideline. My kids were so flustered by what they saw that we gave up a point in the third minute. That snapped them back to life and they started to play.

The problem is that it is hard to play well when the opposition plays jumble ball. My kids had possession and LL and B took shot after shot only to watch it bounce off one of the 7 orange jerseys running around the goalbox. LL got frustrated and then bored before retreating back to the center circle where he just stood and watched the strange situation. Soon B did the same thing. So now I have a bored goalie, two bored defenders, two extremely bored and annoyed midfielders, and two forwards bouncing around like pinballs in a sea of orange. At one point the ball rolled out of the mess straight to LL. No one came out to pressure him. He was so bored with the whole thing he stood in the center circle and started juggling the ball in his awkward, just learning how way. When he popped it up and kicked the ball towards the goal he just shook his head in disbelief that he had held the ball for nearly 30 seconds without a single player coming near him. From that point on any time the ball came out, LL, B and the defenders would just pass it around for awhile before taking an outside shot just to put the ball back near their goal. B finally moved up and started shooting again and managed to put a couple points in.

At the half the other coach brought his best player out of the goal. He never should have been in there considering the kid was his best ball handler. Of course he put a kid in who had never played goal before but that only lasted about three seconds because he threw the ball at the new keeper to give him the ball... and it smacked the unprepared kid in the face. That keeper came out crying with a bloody nose and another went in. After that the game opened up a bit. It was still dodgy at best, but at least they spread out a bit more. LL was in the goal with a decent defense. B and the new kid, C, were up front. The new kid can't really shoot, pass, or dribble but he runs a lot. K was in the right place to score off a deflection. Then C did the same. The scoreline was 4-1 in our favor. LL came out of the goal but he and B just weren't shooting. I pulled B off the field and asked him what was going on (I know I'll get a straight answer from him rather than LL's hemming and hawing). It turns out that LL and B had overheard someone talking and were afraid that if they scored they'd break our team up and they wouldn't play together anymore. Who did they hear talking? The other coach, of course. Bullshit. I pulled both of the boys off the field and played short for a couple minutes while I talked to them. The other team scored two points but nobody seemed to mind much. I told both boys that I expect them to go out and play as hard as they could because this is a game. You come to play and you hope to win. I assured them that no matter what the scoreboard said they would still be playing together next week. I put them both back in and told them that as long as they each scored once with their left foot they could do anything they wanted. They were both all smiles when they went back out and for the first time, my kids started playing like the team I know they are. Not great individual players, but a good team. In the next ten minutes LL scored six points and B scored four. The other coach walked over and demanded to know what the hell I was doing. He is probably still trying to figure out how "blow me" answered that question. With 30 seconds left B played the most delightful 3/4 of the field, sliderule pass to LL and after LL tapped it in around the keeper the two of them ran back to the center circle and did a passable impression of the Samba. Cocky? Sure. Funny? Oh, yeah.

I gathered the kids and we did the usual cheer for the other team before shaking hands. The two teams shook hands and joked around with each other. The coach didn't say a word to any of my players before giving me a knuckle grinder handshake and staring me down while I smiled and told him, "don't worry man, it's hard when you have a bunch of kids you've never coached before". I'm still not sure if he realizes I know he brought some of these kids from another club and he had taken one of my best players.

C - my old player- was pretty upset after the game because he doesn't like being on the other team and he wants to come back. He cheered up a bit when I reminded him he was still going to play in a tournament I registered some of them for next weekend.

My dad had been sitting in the stands listening to other parents complain about stacked teams and making crappy comments about LL and B not belonging there. Whatever. They're still the two youngest on the team and would be playing kids 3-4 years older than them if I moved them up so the haters can bite it.

The sad thing is that no one seems to realize that the other team had more individual skill, they were bigger, and they had subs. Not a single one asked "what should our coach be doing differently?" because they were too busy believing the deck was stacked against them. Ah, the cult of victimhood and the joy it sucks from their lives.

The kids played well and had fun. What more can you ask for?

Until next time, keep the Samba going.

1-0-0

[xoxoxoBruce]

The US Olympic team needs you.

[Flint]

Originally Posted by lookout123

Sports is a nice low threat way to teach your kids how to navigate the minefields of idiocy they will encounter throughout their lives.

You heard it here first: sports are composed of highly concentrated asshattery. I always suspected as much!

But seriously:

Originally Posted by smoothmoniker

Sports are important.

They are a constructed environment that is artificially fair, in a way that doesn't exist in the real world; everyone steps onto the same field and abides by the same rules. Within that context, they become a celebration of the best aspects of human nature - perseverance, strategy, self-sacrifice, honor, determination.

You can't understand the importance of sports until you've seen a mathematically eliminated baseball team in the middle of a sweltering August day game, and the middle infielder still runs flat out and dives to catch a fly ball. There is something in that action that is importantly human, and it fitting that we respect and celebrate it.

Physical ability is an exciting part of the game, but those moments where I think sports are at their best, it's when the physical underdog wins out by virtue of their heart and determination. At those times, we see something of the people we would like to be played out by those playing on the field.

[SteveDallas]

Hmmm.. Maybe. I'm not so sure. (But I can't explain why.)

Thanks for pointing out my misteak, HLJ.

[lookout123]

Tonight was the first practice for the new(ish) team. The roster is still in limbo. At last update on monday I was to have my 6 returning players and 5 brand new players I knew nothing about. I showed up tonight to find out that two of the five players were rumored to be really really strong players so they were removed from my team. Then I was notified that a brother sister pair I'd never heard of were registered over the phone and had requested my team. Then they were promptly removed when someone else said they were solid players from another club.

As I stood there rolling my eyes with clear and outspoken distaste for this bullshit the story just kept going. I'd gone from 12/13 players last wednesday to 11 on Monday, to apparently 8 tonight. They'd added a boy whose father requested my team for carpooling purposes and a girl no one has heard of. Whatever. Give me the fucking roster and let me play with the kids.

The new girl didn't show up. The new boy has good potential but it is obvious that his previous coach's idea of strategy was to give the boy the ball and have him bulldoze through the opposition over and over. The new kid will come along nicely throughout the session as the other kids do most of the work of molding him to the way we play. I ran my kids through their drills in our quiet little corner of the field. First dummyball in a box for warm ups, then 1 on 6 keepaway, then a dribble/pass drill, followed by red light green light for close control, as always a small side scrimmage to wrap up the evening. My kids know what we're doing and get down to business. No cartwheels, no tag, no pattycakes. Soccer. Foot on the ball, ball on the ground soccer. Pass and move, pass and move.

I was happy with what I saw right up until the point that I saw the new coach backslapping the director and watching my kids. I smelled bullshit coming my way. Sure enough they think they're going to have to pull the new kid from my team because my team is just too strong with a strong player like him.

WTF? The kids isn't even that good. He's quick. He's aggressive, but he's got no skill. The stupid fuckers mistake my relaxed but orderly practice routine for having a team of stars. A team full of stars that no one wanted for their own team a week ago if you remember. Give me a break. I tell the kids what I want. I show them what I want. I handicap/challenge each player differently as needed for drills and scrimmages. I keep things fun and competitive but don't allow horseplay and silliness during practice. Kids stay involved and interested - duh!?!

Meanwhile, it has come to light, the new coach who was trying to raid my team of my two good players and did get one of them... yeah, five of his players came as a unit from another club but conveniently didn't make it to evals. But it seems like my new kid is needed to round out his team. WTF? Take the kid, I don't care honestly, but what are you going to replace him with? A garden slug? And if the slug manages to score will he also be taken away or should we just pour salt on him until he stops?

I'm this -------><-------- damn close to being done with the developmental/rec program and just going over to the competitive/club side where the fucking GOAL is to take a stable group of kids and make them a winning unit for a year at a time. I'm tempted. There are 5 kids that I personally feel could/should have been invited into the program after tryouts but were deemed to be surplus. I can take them, Lil Lookout, K, B, and C and make a pretty damn good club team if I can track down two players versatile enough to play goal at the club level. Not as good as Lil Lookout's current team but good enough to give them a run. I think by winter tournament time the teams would be equal because there are a couple of kids still included on the other team due to loyalty rather than skill. (Which is good - the loyalty is to be commended) The club manager would be upset at losing K and Lil Lookout, but he would get over it when he realized I just increased his income by the amount of training fees X 8 while I do all the work.

Eh, whatever. We'll see what Saturday brings.

[Kingswood]

Turnabout is fair play. Especially when it is to expose a technical breach of the rules. Those five kids that somehow didn't get put into the pool with the others? Lobby to have them pulled from that team. All of them. And distribute them among the other teams.

It seems that you are being made to follow the rules to the letter, but others are not. Do not tolerate it. Either make them abide by the rules as well, or use the lax rules to make sure you can field a full side. Soccer is played by teams of 11, and typically has a few reserves as well. If the other teams have players to spare, and your team is short on players, surely there's no harm in doing a bit of "recruiting" to ensure you can field a side on match day.

The management of this league also leaves a lot to be desired. Rules should apply to everyone, and not those who have not had the opportunity to mutter in the director's ear recently.

[SteveDallas]

Tell 'em to go take a flying leap and leave. They'll continue to move the bar until you start losing. Once that happens, they'll say that you only ever won because your team was stacked, and congratulate themselves for uncovering your duplicity.

[xoxoxoBruce]

They'll say the same if you leave, so fuck 'em... do what's right for you and the kids.

[lookout123]

Soccer is played by teams of 11

Not at this age. Small side games mean more touches, greater development. We play 6 + keeper so I have a full team. I'm not worried about fielding a team, I'm just tired of hearing BS about team parity. Parity is one thing, purposeful handicapping is another.

I won't pull the BS with his 5 kids either. I'd much rather get my kids in a position to just beat his. Back to the drawing board I go.

[classicman]

And I have no doubt that you will! The next argument will be that they are handicapped by playing more kids and each child having less time with the ball. Hence, you kids will gain more experience faster by getting more playing time. (been here done this) You will be better than they are no matter what happens because you care more about your kids and they more about winning.
Just do your thing dude! In 3,5 or 10 years all your kids will remember "cool coach lookout" The best one they ever had! All the other coaches will still be bitchin and tryin to get their kids onto a stacked team to fulfill their own obvious inadequacies.