CyberBully

[Shawnee123]

I'm with lj. Teach your children to be strong, assertive, and eloquent. If a bully persists, teach them to punch their lights out.

No one has to be a victim if they know the best way out.

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

I'm with lj. Teach your children to be strong, assertive, and eloquent. If a bully persists, teach them to punch their lights out.

No one has to be a victim if they know the best way out.

Not that easy. I did that whole 'face the bully' stuff as a kid. One time having been bullied by a local girl for ages, aftre one occasion when she'd pushed me over or some such, my mum sent me back out the house with these words:

"Get out there and hit her back, or I'll hit you"

She never would have. It was absolute frustration on her part. I did go out and got into a fight with that girl.

That's fine and dandy and works great at 8 years old.

Secondary school is different. No matter how many of those lessons get taught, there is very little you can do if you've been ostracised by every other child in 1200 strong school. There's very little you can do as a parent to stop the hurt when your child is being harrassed and bullied by a gang of kids.

Girls in particular at secondary school age are vicious. I am a tough character. Part of the reason I am quite tough is that I experienced bullying of a magnitiude most people cannot imagine. Years of it. But they couldnt follow me home. Once I stepped into my house that's it they couldnt touch me. The idea that the twats could have followed me into the cybersphere wold be hideous.

The child has my sympathy as does her mother. This is a serious situation. There are a lot of kids driven to suicide or unhappniess by bullshit like this.

[binky]

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

I'm with lj. Teach your children to be strong, assertive, and eloquent. If a bully persists, teach them to punch their lights out.

No one has to be a victim if they know the best way out.

As someone who worked in schools for five years, the problem with that approach is that then they get in trouble too. It might solve the bully issue, but would certainly land them in the principal's office.

[DucksNuts]

Its a fine line....I'm trying desperately to not raise nancy boys, but I am also aware of them going the other way and becoming bullies themselves.

Little turds didnt come with instruction manuals

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

Little turds didnt come with instruction manuals

You mean they don't have an instruction tag on the bottom?

[Shawnee123]

Dana, did I not concede those very points?

I won't be painted ,either, as a cold heartless person because of what I said. I took another look and gave another post, was that not sufficient?

And Shawnee, you can be as fearless and plucky as y'like

That borders on shitty, very condescending.

[DanaC]

Another quick thought.

Being bullied isn't just emotionally distressing it also impacts on your self-confidence and self-image. It makes you feel weak, like a failure. You dont want to tell anyone because that just exposes how weak and unable to cope you are. The victim begins to believe they deserve it in some way: either they're so thick, ugly, unlovable, weak 'bullyable'. Telling someone about it is like confessing to something you've done.

Attitudes like the ones expressed in this thread, by adults shows me that people still don't really understand how distressing and destructive it is, there is still a negative attitude towards the victims of bullying: theybring it on themselves by being weak. I realise that's not specifically whats been said, but its clearly the implication. Some people just want to be victims? And if you only teach your children to be strong and independenet and deal with bullies in the way we all apparently shold know how to deal with them...it places the fault, the blame, the reason for bullying onto the bullied child not the ones making them miserable.

[classicman]

Dana, to take every case of bullying to that degree just isn't right. In the most extreme cases, I don't believe that lasts forever. Its usually a rotating thing where its Johnny this week and Mary next. When it gets to the level where it is one child over years and years... thats a totally different thing altogether. That is not what I was referring to at all. I grasp your perspective on this and I'm sorry if I was insensitive.

[Pie]

Bullshit, classic.
I was bullied constantly from the time I was seven till I made it to college. There were periods (perhaps a month or two long) where I was left in relative peace -- then it would start up again.

And yes, I contemplated (and once attempted) suicide. And no, home was not a safe haven.

Fuck you and your lack of compassion.

[classicman]

Originally Posted by Pie

Bullshit, classic.
Fuck you and your lack of compassion.

Thanks but no thanks.
Ignorance - apparently, but not a lack of compassion.

[TheMercenary]

[glatt]

Columbine happened because of bullies. They picked on two kids, those two kids got guns and fought back. Fought back against the bullies and the crowd associated with them. I strongly support recent efforts to reduce bullying in schools.

I was rarely bullied in school. It happened only a couple of times, but was very traumatic. I can't imagine what it was like for kids who were routinely bullied.

[jinx]

Originally Posted by glatt

Columbine happened because of bullies. They picked on two kids, those two kids got guns and fought back. Fought back against the bullies and the crowd associated with them.

There's a new book on the subject, Columbine
Debunking the myths of Columbine - CNN. link

"I don't believe bullying caused Columbine," Jeff Kass, who covered the story for the Rocky Mountain News, told CNN. "My key reason for that is they never mentioned it in their diaries."
...
The two killers were far from normal teens. Harris was a psychopath and Klebold battled depression, according to psychologists cited in the book. Even so, they also weren't the extreme social outcasts and loners depicted in the early days of media coverage.
... Klebold took a date to the prom, riding with a dozen friends in a limo, just days before the shooting...


Today, after carefully combing through the boy's diaries, school assignments and police documents, journalists and investigators agree there is no evidence the killers singled out the jocks in a hit list. In fact, their victims varied in race, popularity, religion and age.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by jinx

There's a new book on the subject, Columbine
Debunking the myths of Columbine - CNN. link

very interesting. Completely at odds with the news reports I remember from the time, but that doesn't mean this new twist on the story is wrong.

[TheMercenary]

In addition to glatts note, I would say that we have all read about the case of an adult female who bullied a teen female neighbor who eventually commited suicide. You never can know who is on the other end of any cyber exchange. Eva.