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Old 03-05-2013, 10:38 AM   #5011
footfootfoot
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One thing that often happens to otherwise funny jokes (misogynist background buzz aside) is that unqualified humor technicians illegally modify the jokes leaving out essential aspects in the process. This is usually the case when a humor impaired person thinks the entirety of a joke rests in the smallest part. This happens a lot when a particular turn of phrase is ignored.

For example:

An bonnie lass from Yorkshire* was visiting the United States where she heard a joke:
There was a man whose last name was Strange, and he said that when he died he wanted his tombstone left blank so people would see it and say, 'Look at that blank tombstone, isn't that strange?'

When she returned home she was having a pint at her local and she told her mate "I heard the most brilliant joke while I was in the colonies. It seems there was a man whose surname was Strange, and he requested that when he died his tombstone should be left blank so that when people saw it they'd remark, 'Look at that blank tombstone, how peculiar.'"



*Not really, just taking the piss.
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Old 03-05-2013, 10:58 AM   #5012
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And the bartender fainted.
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Old 03-05-2013, 12:16 PM   #5013
footfootfoot
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Touchť
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Old 03-05-2013, 06:46 PM   #5014
Aliantha
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First everything was gay, now everyone is raped.

Ask any teenager (except those who have actually been raped) and they'll tell you they heard or used the word in jest 10 times in the day.

I wonder what's next.

I've talked to my kids about misuse of words, and taking the easy way out by settling on the popular one. They're doing better. Still, it's an uphill battle. People seem to insist on taking the low road where ever possible.
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Old 03-05-2013, 08:29 PM   #5015
BigV
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I'm trying to renew my membership at the Experience Music Project. I don't have my old, expired membership card with my number on it. The number is a required field for the online registration doodad. I called the membership office, but could only leave a message. No call back all day.

I called a little before five pm, closing time, to reach the membership office again. Once again, I can only leave a message--screw that--I want to talk to a human. I hang up, redial the the box office. A nice young lady says, sure she can look up that number for me. A little while later, she says there are two records in their system with my name, and she settles on one of them, the most current, and gives me the number. I say thanks and hang up.

I put that number into the member number field of the renewal page and guess what.

Yup.

No record with that number exists, proclaims the error message. Of course, it's past five pm now, and the helpful lady is on a bus home.

So. I'll show up tomorrow at the box office and make them figure it out.
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Old 03-09-2013, 01:36 PM   #5016
classicman
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Dana - There's an "unfriend" option ... use it.

I've had similar experiences with old HS friends. One I even had to block, literally.
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Old 03-09-2013, 01:37 PM   #5017
classicman
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Griff View Post
I'm going to attempt to carve a pair of mushroom door handles from some of it.
Excuse me???? I believe, as the resident amateur mycologist, I deserve some consultation here or something.
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Old 03-09-2013, 02:12 PM   #5018
Griff
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Quote:
Originally Posted by classicman View Post
Excuse me???? I believe, as the resident amateur mycologist, I deserve some consultation here or something.
Dude, if you know of a real world mushroom whose appearance says cherry door handle let me know. Right now I'm thinking very stylized.
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Old 03-09-2013, 02:31 PM   #5019
classicman
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You want one with a round cap? One as if the shroom is growing out of the door (sideways) or one that is vertical in appearance as if it were upright?

I assume this will not be painted, is that correct?
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Old 03-09-2013, 03:19 PM   #5020
Griff
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I'm open to suggestions. Like I said in my pm it'll be carved from cherry. My initial thought is a sideways setup with a round cap.
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If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you.
- Louis D. Brandeis
...how easily the learned give up the evidence of their senses to preserve the coherence of ideas in their imagination.
- Adam Smith
I survived the 1980s. Donít try to scare me with terrorism. - Rick Falkvinge
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Old 03-09-2013, 03:32 PM   #5021
classicman
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Old 03-09-2013, 03:37 PM   #5022
Griff
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That's pretty cool. Do you have anything with some ripple in the cap and less symmetrical?
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If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you.
- Louis D. Brandeis
...how easily the learned give up the evidence of their senses to preserve the coherence of ideas in their imagination.
- Adam Smith
I survived the 1980s. Donít try to scare me with terrorism. - Rick Falkvinge
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Old 03-09-2013, 03:44 PM   #5023
DanaC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by classicman View Post
Excuse me???? I believe, as the resident amateur mycologist, I deserve some consultation here or something.
I did not know that. You, sir, have hidden (and clearly slightly damp) depths.
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Quote:
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If I had a pound for every time Torys have said they are going to sort out the country's problems then I'd be rich enough to live under one of their governments.
http://sites.google.com/site/danispoetry/
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Old 03-09-2013, 06:48 PM   #5024
Aliantha
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Dana...are you not a fb friend with classic? If you were, you could hardly fail to know how obsessed he is with mushrooms. lol (maybe obsessed is too harsh classic? )
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Old 03-09-2013, 07:01 PM   #5025
classicman
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Obsessed would be accurate in some circles.

For example...
Tonight is "Finish it" night - whatever is in the fridge gets used to make dinner. It offers the chance to combine things one would normally not and see what happens...
We found a couple pork chops, 4 small apples, a cucumber, a can of green beans and of course some shrooms we got last fall.
I tossed the meat in a large sautee pan with some olive oil, butter & cajun spice. In a smaller pan we began the mushrooms in butter with a touch of S&P. Then we added in the apples (diced) with maple syrup, honey BBQ sauce & a touch of worcestershire.
When the pork chops were almost done in went the mushroom & apple mix simmered for 10 minutes on low to thicken the sauce. Green beans & a slice of bread on the side. Voila. dinner was served. Normally these creations end up just being odd. This one however I will repeat. It was excellent. None left, didn't even make it to pics.
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