this is Mr. StaceyV - Page 9

OnyxCougar · 03-02-2004, 09:50 AM

Stacey, listen to track one on my disc again. Listen to it. The lyrics, the music. Truly listen. Reply on the CMEP thread.

wolf · 03-02-2004, 10:43 AM

Stacey, you made your own mess. I told you the agreement was too one sided ... more words for you to look up: relationship and partnership.

There is no Hell worse than what we make here on Earth.

Also look up the Second Law of Thermodynamics.

staceyv · 03-02-2004, 11:42 AM

if it was too one sided, he shouldn't have agreed to it- he was all for it. all else put aside, he LIED to me and told me he was going home to watch tv, then he went straight to his friend's house. all this, and it's more important now than ever that he's honest with me. THIS is how he wins back my trust?

OnyxCougar · 03-02-2004, 12:31 PM

So what are you going to do?

staceyv · 03-02-2004, 12:41 PM

i honestly have no idea.

wolf · 03-02-2004, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by staceyv
THIS is how he wins back my trust?

Your inability to allow him to make choices in his own life, and have his own life independent of you, just as you wish independent of him, is how you show your trust?

Hooo boy.

OnyxCougar · 03-02-2004, 01:57 PM

Actually, Wolf, it's not about the contract any more. Arsen straight up lied. I think this has been said before, but if Arsen had said, "You know, I know what the contract says, but I really want to do to the russian's house," then that's one thing. But he didn't do that. He said he was going to one place, and went to another. He sais he was gonna wait on the insurance, but then didn't. It's about lying now, not the contract. He blatantly lied, proving he can't be trusted. The contract is a completely seperate (and fucked up) issue. I'm with Stace on this one.

But.... it comes down to... now what are you going to do, Stace. And I know you don't know, but that needs to be foremost on your mind.

lumberjim · 03-02-2004, 02:11 PM

i think it's a little deeper than just a lie. This was flagrant. assuming that the story is accurate, it seems to me that he lied because he just wanted to do what he wanted to do, and didnt want to listen to stacey nag at him. unacceptable. this is indicitave of a lack of respect. Using this incident alone, i'd infer that he does not want to put the effort into saving the relationship, and is simply paying her lip service to get his way.

the lie is just the tip of the iceberg.

I had advocated your trusting him, stacey, and staying out of his affairs. However, in light of this information, i'm starting to turn on that point.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-02-2004, 02:18 PM

I'm not going to say I told you so.

lumberjim · 03-02-2004, 02:22 PM

you're not?

would you at least infer it?

oh.....

xoxoxoBruce · 03-02-2004, 02:35 PM

I'm lurking to see if it plays out as I expected it would. So far, yes.

hot_pastrami · 03-02-2004, 03:25 PM

I have been trying to hold my tongue (yes, I type with my tongue... shut up), but this problem is a little too evident.

I would have to agree that, given the facts are accurate and no key point have been omitted from the story, that this is a demonstrable shortage of honesty and respect on his part. Both of which are required for a healthy relationship. Your actions should address this, either by communicating your feelings to him (assuming you have any hope that he'll respond in a way which can, over time, earn your trust back), or by removing yourself from the situation, temporarily or permanently.

Sorry you've had to take so many bites of the shit sandwich lately, Stacey.

jinx · 03-02-2004, 03:48 PM

Doesn't he owe you money? Is it possible that he's being passive aggresive in hopes that you'll just throw him out and relieve him of that obligation?
Don't do it. Don't let him up - just know what you're dealing with.

OnyxCougar · 03-02-2004, 04:33 PM

Surely you're not suggesting she stay with this piece of shit just to recoup her money?

Stace, this is the critical time.

With his recent behavior, do you really think you can trust him? From your responses, I'd say you don't.

You need to kick his ass out (or move out your damn self) and start divorce proceedings. Every day you wait is one more day you tell him with your actions that what he did was ok. It is obvious that what your words say don't matter. So, since actions speak louder than words, pack your shit and get out. He'll understand that. Then, when he's served with divorce papers, he'll REALLY understand that he fucked up.

Now, I'm not, by any stretch, saying that both of you weren't at fault from the beginning, or that he's a shit but you did nothing wrong. What I'm saying here is that for all intents and purposes, (and everything you've posted) this marriage is over. No need to prolong the agony.

I think you're trying to hold your marriage together by the strings, but you can't. I think this is where all your stress and anxiety is lately. I think that once you get out of it, and get away from him, and get started with your life again, that you'll be able to find that joy much easier than you can now. I think you already know its over, but you just don't want to face it, because it's too scary.

But as usual, I may be wrong. However, in this case, I really don't think so.

jinx · 03-02-2004, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by OnyxCougar
Surely you're not suggesting she stay with this piece of shit just to recoup her money?

Yes, actually, I am. It seems to me that he's trying to piss her off for a reason. I'd try to spend a little more time figuring out why and a little less time being manipulated.

03-02-2004, 10:43 AM	#122
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Stacey, you made your own mess. I told you the agreement was too one sided ... more words for you to look up: relationship and partnership. There is no Hell worse than what we make here on Earth. Also look up the Second Law of Thermodynamics. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

03-02-2004, 02:11 PM	#128
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	i think it's a little deeper than just a lie. This was flagrant. assuming that the story is accurate, it seems to me that he lied because he just wanted to do what he wanted to do, and didnt want to listen to stacey nag at him. unacceptable. this is indicitave of a lack of respect. Using this incident alone, i'd infer that he does not want to put the effort into saving the relationship, and is simply paying her lip service to get his way. the lie is just the tip of the iceberg. I had advocated your trusting him, stacey, and staying out of his affairs. However, in light of this information, i'm starting to turn on that point. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

03-02-2004, 02:18 PM	#129
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I'm not going to say I told you so. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-02-2004, 02:22 PM	#130
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	you're not? would you at least infer it? oh..... __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

03-02-2004, 02:35 PM	#131
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I'm lurking to see if it plays out as I expected it would. So far, yes. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-02-2004, 09:50 AM	#121
OnyxCougar Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Kingdom of Atlantia Posts: 2,979	Stacey, listen to track one on my disc again. Listen to it. The lyrics, the music. Truly listen. Reply on the CMEP thread.

03-02-2004, 11:42 AM	#123
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	if it was too one sided, he shouldn't have agreed to it- he was all for it. all else put aside, he LIED to me and told me he was going home to watch tv, then he went straight to his friend's house. all this, and it's more important now than ever that he's honest with me. THIS is how he wins back my trust?

03-02-2004, 12:31 PM	#124
OnyxCougar Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Kingdom of Atlantia Posts: 2,979	So what are you going to do?

03-02-2004, 12:41 PM	#125
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	i honestly have no idea.

03-02-2004, 01:57 PM	#127
OnyxCougar Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Kingdom of Atlantia Posts: 2,979	Actually, Wolf, it's not about the contract any more. Arsen straight up lied. I think this has been said before, but if Arsen had said, "You know, I know what the contract says, but I really want to do to the russian's house," then that's one thing. But he didn't do that. He said he was going to one place, and went to another. He sais he was gonna wait on the insurance, but then didn't. It's about lying now, not the contract. He blatantly lied, proving he can't be trusted. The contract is a completely seperate (and fucked up) issue. I'm with Stace on this one. But.... it comes down to... now what are you going to do, Stace. And I know you don't know, but that needs to be foremost on your mind.

03-02-2004, 03:25 PM	#132
hot_pastrami I am meaty Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Salt Lake City, UT Posts: 1,119	I have been trying to hold my tongue (yes, I type with my tongue... shut up), but this problem is a little too evident. I would have to agree that, given the facts are accurate and no key point have been omitted from the story, that this is a demonstrable shortage of honesty and respect on his part. Both of which are required for a healthy relationship. Your actions should address this, either by communicating your feelings to him (assuming you have any hope that he'll respond in a way which can, over time, earn your trust back), or by removing yourself from the situation, temporarily or permanently. Sorry you've had to take so many bites of the shit sandwich lately, Stacey. __________________ Hot Pastrami!

03-02-2004, 03:48 PM	#133
jinx Come on, cat. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: general vicinity of Philadelphia area Posts: 7,013	Doesn't he owe you money? Is it possible that he's being passive aggresive in hopes that you'll just throw him out and relieve him of that obligation? Don't do it. Don't let him up - just know what you're dealing with.

03-02-2004, 04:33 PM	#134
OnyxCougar Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Kingdom of Atlantia Posts: 2,979	Surely you're not suggesting she stay with this piece of shit just to recoup her money? Stace, this is the critical time. With his recent behavior, do you really think you can trust him? From your responses, I'd say you don't. You need to kick his ass out (or move out your damn self) and start divorce proceedings. Every day you wait is one more day you tell him with your actions that what he did was ok. It is obvious that what your words say don't matter. So, since actions speak louder than words, pack your shit and get out. He'll understand that. Then, when he's served with divorce papers, he'll REALLY understand that he fucked up. Now, I'm not, by any stretch, saying that both of you weren't at fault from the beginning, or that he's a shit but you did nothing wrong. What I'm saying here is that for all intents and purposes, (and everything you've posted) this marriage is over. No need to prolong the agony. I think you're trying to hold your marriage together by the strings, but you can't. I think this is where all your stress and anxiety is lately. I think that once you get out of it, and get away from him, and get started with your life again, that you'll be able to find that joy much easier than you can now. I think you already know its over, but you just don't want to face it, because it's too scary. But as usual, I may be wrong. However, in this case, I really don't think so.

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