need advice really really bad - Page 4

blue · 02-13-2004, 11:32 AM

Quote:

so, you mean i should just continue on with life, have sex with him tonight, bake him some muffins and smile?

I cannot give a good, reasonable answer to your question, until I see what you look like. Naked.

juju · 02-13-2004, 11:35 AM

Let's not jump to conclusions. Get a picture of her with clothes on, then ask for one without.

slang · 02-13-2004, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by FileNotFound
Bet you $50 that the day he gets his citizenship will be the day he files for a divorce and a K1 for that gf of his.

I agree.

A friend of mine married a Russian woman looking to settle in the states.

The whole marriage was a joke from word go. They were living as a normal couple for about 2 months. Then she moved her kids over here, alienating him in his own home, then she started working as some type of interpreter for Russian businessmen (wink, wink).

So last I knew he was dealing with her kids (who dont speak English ), had no experience with children (not having any of his own).....and she was never around.

A group of us tried to talk him out of this before the marriage but he was wrapped up in the fantasy of having an attractive Russian woman at the farm to fuck at will.

slang: Hey Gary, how's it going? Where's that gorgeous woman of yours?
Gary: She's at her job in the city. I see her on the weekends, she works long hours during the week. I was just getting out of the house for a couple hours, the kids are making me crazy.
slang: wow ( wonders to self where Gary will bury her mangled remains after she files for divorce and wants half of his 100+ acre farm. )

So I know this isnt the same situation as the stacyv deal but I have just never seen this arrangement work long term for both people. The few examples I have seen are only for the citizenship.

Artie Greene · 02-13-2004, 02:38 PM

Hey everybody, I'm Artie. Forgive me for making my 'cellar debut' in this thread. I'm afraid what i'm about to say isn't pleasant.

Staceyv, I feel bad for you, because this situation is really affecting you in a negative way. You sound extremely upset, and slightly irrational.

There's obviously something sketchy about your entire marriage, because of the immigration thing. You're still a good person, but unfortunately, you're the one who created this entire situation, so you're the only one who can make things right, but the focus has to be on YOURSELF.

This guy knows EXACTLY what is going on here, don't kid yourself. He's not stupid enough to jeopardize his meal ticket to the US--of course he'll please you in bed. You have got to take charge of YOUR heart now.

Make some decisions:

Where are you going with your life? What do you want in a spouse? What are you willing to tolerate from your spouse?

Make this all about YOU and where you're going and what you want. Until you turn off all the useless drama you're creating in your mind, you'll never feel safe and secure enough to make decisions to move on with your life.

staceyv · 02-13-2004, 03:20 PM

last night he walked home from work (3 miles) with a dozen roses and a card (which have been destroyed, they just reminded me of when he gave me flowers in july and sent her that letter)
i told him that if this is a greencard marriage, that i will receive payment. i want my $8,000 credit card debt paid off and a diamond. he said he was going to do that anyway. i said if my credit cards are not paid off in next year, no marriage, no greencard. i said if he's using me, he can forget about the green card. well, he swears that he is going to fix me financially and stay with me until death do us part.
i guess i have to wait 1 1/2 years until he gets his green card until i know if i can fully trust him and love him again. if he leaves me, i can console myself with the fact that i bettered myself financially. BUT, really, there is no amount of money in the world that could make up for the pain of finding out that he was using me.

he says that tomorrow night, while i am working, he is going to come to the cellar and tell everyone his side. he thinks i am giving only my point of view and that is why everyone is saying "he's using you...he's a liar..." i am interested to see how he can defend himself...

blue · 02-13-2004, 03:27 PM

Now I have something to do Saturday. Got to pick up a case of beer on the way home, tell him not to be late.

99 44/100% pure · 02-13-2004, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by staceyv
. . . i told him that if this is a greencard marriage, that i will receive payment. i want my $8,000 credit card debt paid off and a diamond. he said he was going to do that anyway. i said if my credit cards are not paid off in next year, no marriage, no greencard...

WHAT???!! You're wondering if HE'S using YOU??!!

staceyv · 02-13-2004, 03:32 PM

yes, i am wondering if he is using me, and if it's the case, then i will use him. we can use each other, what the hell. the trust is gone now, the innocence, my happiness...what difference does it make?

warch · 02-13-2004, 03:38 PM

Quote:

personally, i would NEVER go out for drinks with any guy, nevermind a guy who i was in love with. i am married.

This is not a philosophy I comprehend. I'm generally up for a drink and there are many guys whose company I quite enjoy. Drinks can mean friendship and conversation....can't they? Maybe I'm a ho and dont know? Nah, I'm too old fer that, thank god.

You need to do one thing. Talk to him until you are satisfied.

99 44/100% pure · 02-13-2004, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by staceyv
yes, i am wondering if he is using me, and if it's the case, then i will use him. we can use each other, what the hell. the trust is gone now, the innocence, my happiness...what difference does it make?

Well, then, why are you asking for advice? Now that you've established what you are, aren't you just dickering over the price?

staceyv · 02-13-2004, 03:48 PM

i have not established what i am. he swears up and down that he married me for life. after reading those letters, i am having doubts. i want what he says to be the truth. i want to go back to our happy relationship. i want to trust him again and to feel happy with him. but my trust is broken and i am doubting everything. i am looking at it from two points of view now 1)what if he used me for green card 2)what if he really loves me and will stay with me? and, i am trying to figure out what to do in either case, because i really don't know which one is true.

FileNotFound · 02-13-2004, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by staceyv
yes, i am wondering if he is using me, and if it's the case, then i will use him. we can use each other, what the hell. the trust is gone now, the innocence, my happiness...what difference does it make?

staceyv, you do realize that you can go to jail for willingly being invovled in a fraudulent marriage for the purpose of giving somebody a citizenship?
Oh and you'll need 3 (I believe) people to make statements under oath that your marriage is "valid" and that you "behave and show all signs of being a married couple" at least I believe thats what the wording is.

FileNotFound · 02-13-2004, 03:52 PM

Oh and green card isn't enough. You need another 3 years after a green card to get citizenship.

staceyv · 02-13-2004, 04:11 PM

i couldn't go to jail, i married him out of love. my whole family knows him and likes him. we have plenty of witnesses. so, i'll just state it this way. he's paying off my credit cards and buying me a diamond to make up for mental suffering he has caused me...how's that?

FileNotFound · 02-13-2004, 04:13 PM

Yes, the mental suffering, and those vicious anal beads..

02-13-2004, 02:38 PM	#49
Artie Greene Resident-in-Training Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 7	A puzzlement Hey everybody, I'm Artie. Forgive me for making my 'cellar debut' in this thread. I'm afraid what i'm about to say isn't pleasant. Staceyv, I feel bad for you, because this situation is really affecting you in a negative way. You sound extremely upset, and slightly irrational. There's obviously something sketchy about your entire marriage, because of the immigration thing. You're still a good person, but unfortunately, you're the one who created this entire situation, so you're the only one who can make things right, but the focus has to be on YOURSELF. This guy knows EXACTLY what is going on here, don't kid yourself. He's not stupid enough to jeopardize his meal ticket to the US--of course he'll please you in bed. You have got to take charge of YOUR heart now. Make some decisions: Where are you going with your life? What do you want in a spouse? What are you willing to tolerate from your spouse? Make this all about YOU and where you're going and what you want. Until you turn off all the useless drama you're creating in your mind, you'll never feel safe and secure enough to make decisions to move on with your life.

02-13-2004, 03:27 PM	#51
blue Operations Operative Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Northern WI Posts: 739	Tomorrow night he is coming to the cellar Now I have something to do Saturday. Got to pick up a case of beer on the way home, tell him not to be late. __________________ If you spot a tornado, always remember to point at it, yell "tornado!", and run like hell.

02-13-2004, 03:52 PM	#58
FileNotFound Intouch with his inner sheep rider. Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 603	Oh and green card isn't enough. You need another 3 years after a green card to get citizenship. __________________ This is a rat. \|This is a hamster.\| This is a chipmunk.\| This is a Sheep Rider.

02-13-2004, 04:13 PM	#60
FileNotFound Intouch with his inner sheep rider. Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 603	Yes, the mental suffering, and those vicious anal beads.. __________________ This is a rat. \|This is a hamster.\| This is a chipmunk.\| This is a Sheep Rider.

02-13-2004, 11:35 AM	#47
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	Let's not jump to conclusions. Get a picture of her with clothes on, then ask for one without.

02-13-2004, 03:20 PM	#50
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	last night he walked home from work (3 miles) with a dozen roses and a card (which have been destroyed, they just reminded me of when he gave me flowers in july and sent her that letter) i told him that if this is a greencard marriage, that i will receive payment. i want my $8,000 credit card debt paid off and a diamond. he said he was going to do that anyway. i said if my credit cards are not paid off in next year, no marriage, no greencard. i said if he's using me, he can forget about the green card. well, he swears that he is going to fix me financially and stay with me until death do us part. i guess i have to wait 1 1/2 years until he gets his green card until i know if i can fully trust him and love him again. if he leaves me, i can console myself with the fact that i bettered myself financially. BUT, really, there is no amount of money in the world that could make up for the pain of finding out that he was using me. he says that tomorrow night, while i am working, he is going to come to the cellar and tell everyone his side. he thinks i am giving only my point of view and that is why everyone is saying "he's using you...he's a liar..." i am interested to see how he can defend himself...

02-13-2004, 03:32 PM	#53
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	yes, i am wondering if he is using me, and if it's the case, then i will use him. we can use each other, what the hell. the trust is gone now, the innocence, my happiness...what difference does it make?

02-13-2004, 03:48 PM	#56
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	i have not established what i am. he swears up and down that he married me for life. after reading those letters, i am having doubts. i want what he says to be the truth. i want to go back to our happy relationship. i want to trust him again and to feel happy with him. but my trust is broken and i am doubting everything. i am looking at it from two points of view now 1)what if he used me for green card 2)what if he really loves me and will stay with me? and, i am trying to figure out what to do in either case, because i really don't know which one is true.

02-13-2004, 04:11 PM	#59
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	i couldn't go to jail, i married him out of love. my whole family knows him and likes him. we have plenty of witnesses. so, i'll just state it this way. he's paying off my credit cards and buying me a diamond to make up for mental suffering he has caused me...how's that?

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