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Old 01-11-2020, 05:29 PM   #5896
Clodfobble
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That happened at the house across the street from ours, about 15-ish years ago. Dude was having a mental health crisis and threatening suicide (which apparently was common for him), wife was out and called the cops to check on him. A beat officer knocked on the door and a single shot was fired.

12 hours, 1 SWAT team, and an evacuated street later, they finally stormed the house to find that the one shot had been the guy committing suicide. He hadn't even known it was a cop at the door.
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Old 01-16-2020, 03:13 PM   #5897
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A young American man moves to the Shetland Isles. Unbeknownst to him, the Shetland peoples are quite reserved, and no-one visits him for three months.

One stormy night, there's a loud knock at the door. He opens the door to the sight of a huge, fiery-haired man with a thick beard. With an accent equally as thick, the visitor says, "I've come to invite ye to a party."

"Wonderful," says the American, "I'd love to go!"

"I must warn ye, lad. The drinks will be flowin' aplenty."

"That's no problem, I've been known to enjoy a strong scotch now and again," replies the American.

"They'll likely be a fight too," says the bearded man. "Where there's drinkin' and dancin' there's always a fight."

"I'm not worried, I was middleweight champion in boxing back in the navy. I'm sure I can hold my own."

"Alright, lad. But one last thing. There's likely to be sex involved too. Hairy-arsed, drunken sex."

The American smirks. "Well, after being alone for so many months, that's not out of the question either. One question though: what should I wear?"

The big man chuckles and replies, "Ah, come as you are, it's just gonna be you and me."
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Old 01-16-2020, 03:41 PM   #5898
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Apologies if this is a repeat:

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Old 01-23-2020, 02:07 AM   #5899
xoxoxoBruce
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I remember some of these statement. Hell, I probably made some of them.
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