I'm getting married too (again)

BrianR · 01-30-2007, 10:47 AM

My sweetheart and I are going to tie the knot.

She is busily planning the wedding and I am preparing to move to Texas. For reasons best left to imagination, she is unable to live outside a desert environment for long.

One question: Am I wrong for NOT wanting to be married by/with Elvis in Las Vegas as she is hoping? I always thought a wedding should be at least a BIT serious (lifetime commitment and all) and not too zaftig. I don't mind some frivolity but I think I should draw the line at that. Or is it possible that she is pulling my chain and I'm too dense to know it?

I know a church wedding is out so it's going to be a JP or similar. I might be cool with a handfasting if I get to wear my skirt^H^H^H^H^H kilt and she hasn't ruled it out either, pending a Googling to see what it actually involves.

Mostly I just wish she would make up her mind about simple little things...like wether to invite family or not. My family cannot make the trip to Texas, hers cannot make it to PA. She will simply DIE if not kept warm (truism of living with her). Looks like Vegas is a done deal but I cannot quite get over the whole Elvis thing. Or Star Trek, or any other silly theme wedding idea.

Yes, I know the wedding is really about HER and not ME. I'm just a bit player in a huge stage show really. That's why I can get away with a $100 tux while she has to choose from a bewildering array of frocks and price tags, depending on the wedding she chooses. I got it easy really, I think. All I have to do is nod and say "Whatever you want dear. It's YOUR wedding day and I want you to treasure it forever." I know I have to make some small decisions like which font to use on the invitations (from the list SHE gives me) and such. I am cool with all that part.

What I really need is advice on how to participate in a meaningful way in the whole wedding discussion without winding up on the sofa. Ideas anyone?

funkykule · 01-30-2007, 10:58 AM

a) you're not wrong
b) if the wedding isn't about both you and her, why have a wedding at all. It's the union of two people, and it is serious. Not that elvis weddings aren't ok- only if both peoples wishes are respected!
c) how do you tell her- show her that post. it seemed reasonable enough to me and I understood where you're coming from, she probably will too(I hope)

lumberjim · 01-30-2007, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrianR

For reasons best left to imagination, she is unable to live outside a desert environment for long.

Are you sure about this? cos, I'm imagining that you're marrying a mutant lizard woman creature that needs to sun herself for 8 hrs a day!

Perry Winkle · 01-30-2007, 12:10 PM

Congrats!

While the desert is good, a dessert environment is even better.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-30-2007, 02:36 PM

Tell her to be packed and ready. Then next time you have a load, where you can swing by and pick her up, that's going through Vegas you can do it.

Trilby · 01-30-2007, 02:55 PM

Good on YA! Congrats!

The coolest thing about Love is that is can be Eternal* and is always magnifying in a loving way! YAY!

*obviously I do not mean Vampire Love which is also Eternal.

freshnesschronic · 01-30-2007, 08:04 PM

No, weddings are for girls. Let her have her way. I myself, could care even less about my own future wedding. I've repeatedly joked to my SO about a 10 dollar marriage chapel in Vegas, like, joked really seriously. But that won't happen, so just let her have her way. And then make a schedule for sex at least 3 times a week until she goes through menopause. Then up the sex to 6 times a week, cause hey! No more risk of future college savings for a mistake child!

Btw, why can't either sets of parents not make it down to another state? A wedding is quite important to you know, family!

Mistake is a harsh word....and funny at that..

Hoof Hearted · 01-30-2007, 11:31 PM

IMO, I would expect a wedding to reflect the taste of BOTH parties involved. ...and I am leaning towards you with the belief that weddings are a serious matter and should be respected.

I don't know how to advise...I had a church wedding with mass, horse/carriage to the reception, the whole 9 yards... For ME, I wouldn't feel married if it weren't in a church. Hubby felt the same way so we had no problems, there.
I think your wedding (yes, "your") should reflect both of your tastes. If you can't get your mind around an Elvis wedding, you need to speak up. If you can let her have her fun, I think that would be great, too. But not at the cost of sacrificing something you believe in/about...
hh

xoxoxoBruce · 01-31-2007, 06:19 PM

Make sure her having her way doesn't get out of hand, like so many do. Hoof Hearted's wedding sounds like at least $30,000 today. I not criticizing her for doing that, to each his(her) own, what ever blows your skirt up.

That said, my peer group is the fathers of the bride or groom, sometimes grandfathers having to step in when the father is absent. They tell me of offers to buy the newlyweds a car, downpayment on a house or just the cash in hand, to forgo the huge dog & pony show, for a simple ceremony with immediate family.
NO WAY! Barbie wants a storybook wedding like a Disney movie.

Two years later half are divorced, or at least separated, up to their butts in debt without 2 cents to rub together. Often the trouble was arguing over money problems. What a damn waste.

Perry Winkle · 01-31-2007, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Make sure her having her way doesn't get out of hand, like so many do. Hoof Hearted's wedding sounds like at least $30,000 today.

I went to a $120,000+ wedding last summer. It was great, but not worth that kind of outlay. And these were not exactly wealthy folk.

Dagney · 01-31-2007, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

NO WAY! Barbie wants a storybook wedding like a Disney movie.

Our honeymoon costs about 2 times what our entire wedding is costing. We couldn't justify paying all that money for one day - for a dress you wear one time, (me) and a tux he isn't comfortable in - to visit with relatives you never see.

13 people total - nice and intimate - and no debt - at all.

22 days to go

kerosene · 01-31-2007, 09:51 PM

I think the total cost of our wedding was around 120.00. That included dinner for family before-hand. We like simple, too.

Aliantha · 01-31-2007, 10:07 PM

Our wedding ended up costing a lot more than we'd initially intended, but we were both really happy with it in the end. We managed to incorporate themes we were both happy with, but mostly nautical items including fishing nets as decorations etc. So it was pink nautical for us. We didn't have a church. Just a celebrant at the reception venue.

The important thing was that the things which were important to us both individually were included as well as the things which mattered to us as a couple. To me, if you start your married life at odds over the simple fact of getting married, you could be in trouble.

My advice would be to just simply tell her you want a little more levity on your big day. How would she feel about having elvis music during the ceremony as she comes down the isle, then while you're signing the register etc? Maybe that would be a fair compromise?

BrianR · 02-01-2007, 11:00 PM

I compromised a bit...Elvis can give her away since she has no male relatives that she will allow at her wedding.

My parents will be there in spirit...I hope. I must remember to ask her psychic.

She wants a cruise for a honeymoon...she will get one.

None of my relatives still living can make it so my side of the chapel/bingo parlor will be empty. Maybe I can get a few stand-ins from the "ranches" nearby? I shall have to try to remember to ask during my one-man bachelor party.

She will never see this thread!

02-01-2007, 11:38 PM

We ended-up having a large wedding because our family wanted it and we made them pay for it.
We just wanted a small get together.
Personally, I say talk to her, if she really has her heart set and it is not a HUGE deal for you, do it for her... it is going to be one day for you, women REMEMBER this kind of stuff a lot more than guys usually do. After a few months you will only think of it when someone brings it up, your anniversary or something specific reminds you... it will be very rare, trust me.

01-30-2007, 10:47 AM	#1
BrianR Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,338	I'm getting married too (again) My sweetheart and I are going to tie the knot. She is busily planning the wedding and I am preparing to move to Texas. For reasons best left to imagination, she is unable to live outside a desert environment for long. One question: Am I wrong for NOT wanting to be married by/with Elvis in Las Vegas as she is hoping? I always thought a wedding should be at least a BIT serious (lifetime commitment and all) and not too zaftig. I don't mind some frivolity but I think I should draw the line at that. Or is it possible that she is pulling my chain and I'm too dense to know it? I know a church wedding is out so it's going to be a JP or similar. I might be cool with a handfasting if I get to wear my skirt^H^H^H^H^H kilt and she hasn't ruled it out either, pending a Googling to see what it actually involves. Mostly I just wish she would make up her mind about simple little things...like wether to invite family or not. My family cannot make the trip to Texas, hers cannot make it to PA. She will simply DIE if not kept warm (truism of living with her). Looks like Vegas is a done deal but I cannot quite get over the whole Elvis thing. Or Star Trek, or any other silly theme wedding idea. Yes, I know the wedding is really about HER and not ME. I'm just a bit player in a huge stage show really. That's why I can get away with a $100 tux while she has to choose from a bewildering array of frocks and price tags, depending on the wedding she chooses. I got it easy really, I think. All I have to do is nod and say "Whatever you want dear. It's YOUR wedding day and I want you to treasure it forever." I know I have to make some small decisions like which font to use on the invitations (from the list SHE gives me) and such. I am cool with all that part. What I really need is advice on how to participate in a meaningful way in the whole wedding discussion without winding up on the sofa. Ideas anyone? __________________ Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous

01-30-2007, 02:36 PM	#5
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Tell her to be packed and ready. Then next time you have a load, where you can swing by and pick her up, that's going through Vegas you can do it. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-30-2007, 02:55 PM	#6
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Good on YA! Congrats! The coolest thing about Love is that is can be Eternal* and is always magnifying in a loving way! YAY! *obviously I do not mean Vampire Love which is also Eternal. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

01-30-2007, 11:31 PM	#8
Hoof Hearted ...you smell something? Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Monroe, GA Posts: 420	IMO, I would expect a wedding to reflect the taste of BOTH parties involved. ...and I am leaning towards you with the belief that weddings are a serious matter and should be respected. I don't know how to advise...I had a church wedding with mass, horse/carriage to the reception, the whole 9 yards... For ME, I wouldn't feel married if it weren't in a church. Hubby felt the same way so we had no problems, there. I think your wedding (yes, "your") should reflect both of your tastes. If you can't get your mind around an Elvis wedding, you need to speak up. If you can let her have her fun, I think that would be great, too. But not at the cost of sacrificing something you believe in/about... hh __________________ I have the ability of single-minded determination and focu...Hey, look! A horse!

01-31-2007, 06:19 PM	#9
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Make sure her having her way doesn't get out of hand, like so many do. Hoof Hearted's wedding sounds like at least $30,000 today. I not criticizing her for doing that, to each his(her) own, what ever blows your skirt up. That said, my peer group is the fathers of the bride or groom, sometimes grandfathers having to step in when the father is absent. They tell me of offers to buy the newlyweds a car, downpayment on a house or just the cash in hand, to forgo the huge dog & pony show, for a simple ceremony with immediate family. NO WAY! Barbie wants a storybook wedding like a Disney movie. Two years later half are divorced, or at least separated, up to their butts in debt without 2 cents to rub together. Often the trouble was arguing over money problems. What a damn waste. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-30-2007, 10:58 AM	#2
funkykule professional bowler Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 134	a) you're not wrong b) if the wedding isn't about both you and her, why have a wedding at all. It's the union of two people, and it is serious. Not that elvis weddings aren't ok- only if both peoples wishes are respected! c) how do you tell her- show her that post. it seemed reasonable enough to me and I understood where you're coming from, she probably will too(I hope)

01-30-2007, 12:10 PM	#4
Perry Winkle Esnohplad Semaj Ton Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: A little south of sanity Posts: 2,259	Congrats! While the desert is good, a dessert environment is even better.

01-30-2007, 08:04 PM	#7
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	No, weddings are for girls. Let her have her way. I myself, could care even less about my own future wedding. I've repeatedly joked to my SO about a 10 dollar marriage chapel in Vegas, like, joked really seriously. But that won't happen, so just let her have her way. And then make a schedule for sex at least 3 times a week until she goes through menopause. Then up the sex to 6 times a week, cause hey! No more risk of future college savings for a mistake child! Btw, why can't either sets of parents not make it down to another state? A wedding is quite important to you know, family! Mistake is a harsh word....and funny at that..

01-31-2007, 09:51 PM	#12
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	I think the total cost of our wedding was around 120.00. That included dinner for family before-hand. We like simple, too.

01-31-2007, 10:07 PM	#13
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Our wedding ended up costing a lot more than we'd initially intended, but we were both really happy with it in the end. We managed to incorporate themes we were both happy with, but mostly nautical items including fishing nets as decorations etc. So it was pink nautical for us. We didn't have a church. Just a celebrant at the reception venue. The important thing was that the things which were important to us both individually were included as well as the things which mattered to us as a couple. To me, if you start your married life at odds over the simple fact of getting married, you could be in trouble. My advice would be to just simply tell her you want a little more levity on your big day. How would she feel about having elvis music during the ceremony as she comes down the isle, then while you're signing the register etc? Maybe that would be a fair compromise? __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

02-01-2007, 11:00 PM	#14
BrianR Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,338	I compromised a bit...Elvis can give her away since she has no male relatives that she will allow at her wedding. My parents will be there in spirit...I hope. I must remember to ask her psychic. She wants a cruise for a honeymoon...she will get one. None of my relatives still living can make it so my side of the chapel/bingo parlor will be empty. Maybe I can get a few stand-ins from the "ranches" nearby? I shall have to try to remember to ask during my one-man bachelor party. She will never see this thread! __________________ Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous

02-01-2007, 11:38 PM	#15
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	We ended-up having a large wedding because our family wanted it and we made them pay for it. We just wanted a small get together. Personally, I say talk to her, if she really has her heart set and it is not a HUGE deal for you, do it for her... it is going to be one day for you, women REMEMBER this kind of stuff a lot more than guys usually do. After a few months you will only think of it when someone brings it up, your anniversary or something specific reminds you... it will be very rare, trust me.

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