I Need A Man

Sundae · 02-23-2009, 02:49 PM

No, really.
Why? Love, cuddling, support, sex, a soulmate...? All those good things? Well, yes. But for the basic bottom line thing that all men are afraid women want - money.

I've been doing some internet research.
If I get a job, any kind of job at all, I won't be eligible for any kind of benefit.
Well, not if I work more than 16 hours a week.

If I work 30+ hours a week I can get tax credits... but they are means tested by the previous tax year. In which I earned £12,666.
Giving me a tax credit of £12.

"Go out and work then you lazy trollop," I hear you cry. Firstly, I do genuinely suffer from depression and anxiety. I've now been in and out of work almost as often as I've been posting on the Cellar. For the record I have almost always had a second (and in some cases a third) job to support myself - even most recently at EEA I was working 10 and sometimes up to 20 extra hours a week.

I now have a job as a volunteer (as I did in London when I was on benefits) but what I really want to do is get a part-time job to make sure this cycle does not repeat. It will give me social contact, self esteem, opportunities for further work, experience and a good framework for living i.e grooming, regular hours etc.

There is a one bedroomed maisonette up for rental literally 3 minutes from my parents. Ex-council. Unfurnished. Not swish in any way. £550 a month. I would need to be earning £20k pa to be able to afford that. The two new jobs on the JobCentrePlus website (Govt run) today - I check every day- are £15k pa.

So the bottom line is I need to sort my weight out. Make that my main priority. Devote all my time and attention to my appearance. Because me and a man could earn £10k each and have a nice flat. Because we could share electricity, gas, water, council tax, Diz-food & litter, cooking. Because I am obviously being selfish by trying to hog resources.

I'm semi-serious.
Can you tell I'm hurting tonight?

Aliantha · 02-23-2009, 03:30 PM

SG, why don't you put your details up on a couple of dating sites? You don't have to actually go on any dates, but you could, and you might just have some fun.

Do it safely and be honest with those men you choose to date.

It's how I met Dazza, and look where I am now.

limey · 02-23-2009, 03:34 PM

[been there done that]Although working tax credit is usually based on your previous year's earnings you can tell them that things have changed and give them an estimate of this year's earnings. The catch is that if (if!) you earn more than you estimated you have to give it back next year, even if that takes you below their estimated starvation-levels ...[/been there done that]

Trilby · 02-23-2009, 03:45 PM

Sundae - this may be unpopular to say but I think you need to relax a bit and get well. I mean, really well. You've not be on the water wagon all that long, have you? You still suffer from depression/anxiety and maybe need some time for meds to sort out; you need some real TIME to get better and then stand on your own. You do NOT need a man. Be your own man.

I sense you are feeling guilty - that old Protestant work ethic creeping around. Squash that like a bug and concentrate on getting well. I know you can do it and I know that once on your feet, you'll be unstoppable.

Sundae · 02-23-2009, 03:54 PM

Ah Bri, I get what you're saying. But I can't live with my parents forever.

Anyway it will take at least six months to get me man-worthy, given that they are so stringent in their wish-lists...

Trilby · 02-23-2009, 04:54 PM

Clodfobble · 02-23-2009, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

Anyway it will take at least six months to get me man-worthy, given that they are so stringent in their wish-lists...

Don't forget that most men would prefer someone who is sane and happy over someone who is svelte but rather unsorted. If working on your weight will make you happy, then that's a bonus! But if it will make you more depressed and stressed out, then it is counterproductive in all ways.

Do you think you might be able to find a female roommate you could be compatible with?

DanaC · 02-23-2009, 07:17 PM

Oy! Lay off with the self-destructive negativity:P

You're just feeling it today. You'll get days like that. You might even get weeks like that. Just because the jobs you might go for in the near future aren't likely to get you where you want to be, that doesn't mean you won't get there eventually.

Scale back for now. At some point you can take the next step and get into paid work. Then another and house share. From there you have more potential options than you are currently seeing.

One step at a time, babe.

footfootfoot · 02-23-2009, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

SG, why don't you put your details up on a couple of dating sites? You don't have to actually go on any dates, but you could, and you might just have some fun.

Do it safely and be honest with those men you choose to date.

It's how I met Dazza, and look where I am now.

Barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen?

j/k a jest

SG, what Clod said is true, most men when they are ready to get serious don't want the drama associated with skinny crazy girls. Or fat crazy girls either. We really do have a hard time fathoming women on the best of days so it is to your advantage that you sort out your emotional landscape first.

I personally think anti depressants rewl, esp. SSRIs but not as a forever kind of thing, more as a reset button. It helps you get your act together and climb out of the mental rut you've dug. I'm feeling like I could use a few handfuls of zoloft these days, myself.

Bri, I've got a bunch of oxycodone I'd be willing to swap for soe zoloft.

Again, kidding. I kid.

(pm me)

capnhowdy · 02-23-2009, 07:33 PM

Why HAVE a man......

When you can just USE one?

DanaC · 02-23-2009, 07:36 PM

and by one you mean you...? :P

Aliantha · 02-23-2009, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

Barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen?

j/k a jest

Hey...I'm in the loungeroom at the moment. You did get the first two right though.

Of course, I really just meant that I met Dazza when I was at one of the lowest points in my life (as SG knows), but these days (aside from my bitching about being pregnant) I'm really as happy as a pig in shit, and I never thought I would be.

Sometimes it's hard to get a good perspective on things when you're feeling low, and it takes a big effort to put yourself out there again, but it can be worth it. You might just have a bit of fun, but on the other hand, you might just find yourself a diamond in the rough.

I don't think I was even close to mentally stable when I met Dazza. I was all over the shop, and I know people say you shouldn't wait for someone else to fix you or that it's even possible for it to happen, but being with him created the environment I needed to work on myself. I have him to thank for just listening to my shit mostly...and letting me get it out.

Maybe it doesn't or even shouldn't be that way, but the fact is, that's how it happened for me. Maybe the same could be true for SG, or anyone else. All I can do is tell what happened to me and give her some hope. There's always hope.

ZenGum · 02-23-2009, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

Hey...I'm in the loungeroom at the moment. You did get the first two right though.

Looks like Dazza made the chain too long, then.

Quote:

I'm really as happy as a pig in shit, and I never thought I would be.

I love Australian idioms.

Sundae, be nice to yourself. Wot Dana said, in fact.

Also, you want (not need) a housemate, not necessarily a man. Could you share with a woman?

Aside: this reminds me of a T-shirt one of my (teenage female) students wears. Now we all know that Pinocchio's wish was "I want to be a real boy". This T-shirt has a picture of Pinocchio with quite a long nose and the caption, "I want a real man".

I don't think she quite understands, but I am not going to be the one to explain it to her.

Aliantha · 02-23-2009, 08:07 PM

You mean...

Quote:

Fuck nose if she understands

capnhowdy · 02-23-2009, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

and by one you mean you...? :P

I'm not THAT easy.

I'm easier than that.

02-23-2009, 02:49 PM	#1
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I Need A Man No, really. Why? Love, cuddling, support, sex, a soulmate...? All those good things? Well, yes. But for the basic bottom line thing that all men are afraid women want - money. I've been doing some internet research. If I get a job, any kind of job at all, I won't be eligible for any kind of benefit. Well, not if I work more than 16 hours a week. If I work 30+ hours a week I can get tax credits... but they are means tested by the previous tax year. In which I earned £12,666. Giving me a tax credit of £12. "Go out and work then you lazy trollop," I hear you cry. Firstly, I do genuinely suffer from depression and anxiety. I've now been in and out of work almost as often as I've been posting on the Cellar. For the record I have almost always had a second (and in some cases a third) job to support myself - even most recently at EEA I was working 10 and sometimes up to 20 extra hours a week. I now have a job as a volunteer (as I did in London when I was on benefits) but what I really want to do is get a part-time job to make sure this cycle does not repeat. It will give me social contact, self esteem, opportunities for further work, experience and a good framework for living i.e grooming, regular hours etc. There is a one bedroomed maisonette up for rental literally 3 minutes from my parents. Ex-council. Unfurnished. Not swish in any way. £550 a month. I would need to be earning £20k pa to be able to afford that. The two new jobs on the JobCentrePlus website (Govt run) today - I check every day- are £15k pa. So the bottom line is I need to sort my weight out. Make that my main priority. Devote all my time and attention to my appearance. Because me and a man could earn £10k each and have a nice flat. Because we could share electricity, gas, water, council tax, Diz-food & litter, cooking. Because I am obviously being selfish by trying to hog resources. I'm semi-serious. Can you tell I'm hurting tonight? __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

02-23-2009, 03:30 PM	#2
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	SG, why don't you put your details up on a couple of dating sites? You don't have to actually go on any dates, but you could, and you might just have some fun. Do it safely and be honest with those men you choose to date. It's how I met Dazza, and look where I am now. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

02-23-2009, 03:34 PM	#3
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	[been there done that]Although working tax credit is usually based on your previous year's earnings you can tell them that things have changed and give them an estimate of this year's earnings. The catch is that if (if!) you earn more than you estimated you have to give it back next year, even if that takes you below their estimated starvation-levels ...[/been there done that] __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

02-23-2009, 03:45 PM	#4
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Sundae - this may be unpopular to say but I think you need to relax a bit and get well. I mean, really well. You've not be on the water wagon all that long, have you? You still suffer from depression/anxiety and maybe need some time for meds to sort out; you need some real TIME to get better and then stand on your own. You do NOT need a man. Be your own man. I sense you are feeling guilty - that old Protestant work ethic creeping around. Squash that like a bug and concentrate on getting well. I know you can do it and I know that once on your feet, you'll be unstoppable. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

02-23-2009, 03:54 PM	#5
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Ah Bri, I get what you're saying. But I can't live with my parents forever. Anyway it will take at least six months to get me man-worthy, given that they are so stringent in their wish-lists... __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

02-23-2009, 04:54 PM	#6
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	__________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

02-23-2009, 07:17 PM	#8
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Oy! Lay off with the self-destructive negativity:P You're just feeling it today. You'll get days like that. You might even get weeks like that. Just because the jobs you might go for in the near future aren't likely to get you where you want to be, that doesn't mean you won't get there eventually. Scale back for now. At some point you can take the next step and get into paid work. Then another and house share. From there you have more potential options than you are currently seeing. One step at a time, babe.

02-23-2009, 07:33 PM	#10
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	Why HAVE a man...... When you can just USE one? __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

02-23-2009, 07:36 PM	#11
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	and by one you mean you...? :P

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