What's upsetting you today?

[DanaC]

*smiles* that's lovely Queenie. Thankyou.

[Queen of the Ryche]

or he was too busy shootin the sh*t over a cup of tea with my dad to even notice. take your pick.

[DanaC]

hahahaha make that a shot of single malt and a conversation about gardening that'd be about right.

[capnhowdy]

ooooohhhhhh....

she said "single malt".

[DanaC]

I'll say it again in soft northern burr if you like?

[ZenGum]

Temptress.

[SteveDallas]

What's the point of a burr if it's soft?

Go for it.

[Juniper]

Originally Posted by DanaC

Not upsetting so much as occasionally popping into my head: my graduation ceremony is next month. I so wanted to graduate whilst Dad was still here to see it. He'd have loved it, I know. I made him wait an awfully long time to be proud of me. After the troubled years of teens and twenties. I really wanted him to see it.

Ditto what everyone else has said, Dana. I'm sure he's with you in spirit.

I imagine my parents are watching too, somehow, and I hope they're not too mad about the B I got last quarter.

[Sundae]

Dani, you know how I feel about the afterlife.
So I can't say he's watching you.
All I can say is if it comforts you to think of any element of your Dad being projected, it has found its place in your graduation.

I believe every child brings themself up to some extent. But they are also very much a product of their genes and parental influence. You deserve full approbation for this qualification - jeez hon, you're not a 20 year old scraping through with a third in business studies - but you also validate your Dad in doing so.

Talking of parents. Sigh.
Had a nasty surprise this morning.

Mum had asked a friend of hers to sign my new passport documents.
I'm pushed to find someone who has known me for more than 2 years in a position of trust in the community.
It can't be any professional of my accquaintance here - too soon.
And the majority of people who've known me since childhood don't have suitable standing.

Mum's friend D refused.
According to her, my plan (hope, actually) to go to Amsterdam is proof I am not depressed.
If I was, I would not be able to make future plans.
Ditto me colouring my hair, because I only do it to draw attention to myself, and people with depression do not do that.
Ditto me losing weight, trying to get out and exercise every day, going to my OT pottery class.

On the flip side of everything I am fighting to do proving I am not depressed, I am apparently manipulating my Mum, every Health Care Professional that has seen me and the system.
I need to be re-evaluated, despite the fact I got my DLA assessment through this week - the same week Mum spoke to D.
Mum is far too soft on me and I am lying to her and taking advantage of her. If she laid down the law she would find the situation very different.

I only want to go to Amsterdam for drugs, drink and (I've no idea how this works) to get involved in prostitution. Oh, and how does she know? She was a qualified psychiatric nurse back in the early 80s. She quit because her son was in trouble with the Police and they indicated to her that this was because she was a working Mum. Turns out he was (and still is, obviously) schizophrenic. And she has not met me since I've been back here - she's had one 5 minute conversation with me by phone.

I'm really upset about all this.
Not least because my Mum saw fit to tell me, in the detail written above.

WHY?
Why spew out the hurtful things that a woman who believes roll-ons give you breast cancer?
Why tell your daughter who is trying and working hard to get back to a productive life that she is therefore denying she ever really had a problem?
Why not say to the damned woman with her ugly haircut that she should shut her cakehole and stop talking about things she doesn't understand?

I suspect because Mum wants to believe her.
I suspect because Mum has been dripping poison in her ear suggesting exactly the same thing - that if I can colour my hair why don't I have a job yet.
I suspect because Mum really wants me out and would love to practice some tough love - tough love being her parenting method of choice in most cases.

Once again, please do not think I don't fully appreciate what my parents have done for me.
They did not have to take me in.
I can understand why they would be aggrieved to do so at this late stage in their lives.
They do love me - yes I do know that.

But I'm hurt, upset and angry.
And for the record, I went into town today to make sure I had a card for my brother-in-law's birthday (on TUESDAY) because Mum was getting twitchy that I was making some sort of stand by not buying one. I guess that means I'm not depressed either.

[DanaC]

Jesus, your mum's friend sounds like a total bitch.

Do not let this get to you honey. You dont have to prove your state of mind to this woman. You don't even need to prove it to your mum (shouldnt have to, but sometimes parents find it easier to think you're faking it than actually having mental health issues: bear in mind that for your mum, accepting that you're depressed may include an element of guilt and that may be something she doesnt want to deal with). You know you're dealing with depression. You know this is bullshit. We know this bullshit. Deep down, i suspect your mum probably knows this is bull shit.

*shakes head* oh honey. It's shit though. I know it is. Life's hard enough without having that piled onto your shoulders. Keep doing what you're doing, because you know what makes you feel better and more able to cope day to day. You're the only one who does.

Did you tell your mum her friend is talking shite btw?

[skysidhe]

Originally Posted by monster

Are you taking the P?

Reminds me of code talking when little kids are in the room. :p



To SG.
What an incredibly hurtful thing. My heart wrenches over your words. I am so sorry this is happening. I wish there was someway I could make it better.

[Trilby]

Sg - that woman, D, has a wad of shite stuck between her ears the size of Manhattan. Ugh, I can just imagine how this made you feel. Ok, you're not suicidal - that doesn't mean you're not depressed for crissakes OR in need of services. FWIW, nurses can be incredibly bitter people. Esp. psych nurses. I worked with them and knew I could very well become one of them and had to quit for my own sanity and well-being.

I do know how this feels, though. My mother went over to my neighbor's (the assbitch who put a camera on my house a while back) and got an earful of what a total bitch I am and how horrid, etc, etc, and my mother not only listened to this tripe she came back over to MY house to tell me what the dumb bitch had said about me. I told her I could NOT believe she'd listened to that spite and then come over to tell me, word for word, what the crazy fucking bitch had said (Me and crazy bitch have a looooong history. I won't go into it here). My father, who NEVER sticks up for me, ever, looked at my mom and said, "J, you have a big mouth," which shut her up.

When my mom does this sort of stupid fucking thing now I look at her and say,"have you had a stroke?"

just awful. It's really hard to believe our mothers would be this way, listen to this shit...and then repeat it for our benefit.

D is a fucking twit who is probably on more medication than you or I.

Can you tell your mum how hurt you are over this or is it best to leave it?
If I'd win the lotto, Cherry, things would be different in a lot of places.

:hugs:

[Sundae]

Sleeping on it helped.
And Mum is being really nice to me - she knows how much it hurt.
I now suspect that she was hurt herself, and chose the wrong person to share it with. She probably worried that if she told anyone else, they might believe D's side of the story.

Anyway, today she has offered me a cup of tea, asked if there was anything I wanted or needed in town and has just shouted up to let me know she's put some bagels in the freezer and I'm to help myself.

I am a little withdrawn. It's my way of dealing with hurt. But I'm not sulking and I'm not trying to punish her. I think she was wrong in telling me, but I don't think it was malicious - that's the hurt talking.

So I'm going out for a walk after lunch, and I will invite her along.
She probably won't come (I kinda hope not, she slows me down!) but at least she will know I'm trying to behave normally.

[DanaC]

That's brilliant Sundae. I'm really pleased and relieved to hear this.

[xoxoxoBruce]

You don't know anyone that could sign the papers and your Mum tried to help by getting the one person she's that could, to sign them. OK, that's a good thing.
But the woman refused, so the only way your mum could let you know she was trying to help, trying to do a good thing, was to tell you she refused.
But telling you that, might have caused you to ask the woman why and your Mum knowing what the woman would say, decided it would be better hearing it from her.

How am I doing so far?

Now, you have three "I suspects" in there that are really damning to/on/of your Mum. "Suspects" sounds to me like you'll trying to create a, in your mind, plausible scenario to explain what happened. You could be 100% correct, but keep in mind "suspects" don't make it so, only possible.

While they might be "aggrieved", they could be just worried. You don't get aggrieved when the cat pukes on your clean sheets (well, maybe a little ) but you certainly get worried.

My possible scenario may be way out in left field, but without knowing for sure, it's possible.