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Parenting Bringing up the shorties so they aren't completely messed up

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Old 12-24-2017, 03:29 AM   #1
angellars
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Is parenting going to suck forever?

After several years and two heartbreaking pregnancy losses, I am now the mother of a gorgeous 5-week-old boy. Unfortunately, I am finding myself becoming more and more miserable every day and I am starting to think that I've made a big mistake and that I am not cut out to be a parent at all. I think part of the problem is that breastfeeding has gone poorly from the very beginning, due to a number of different factors. He is about 50% breastfed right now, which is not the end of the world but not at all what I had planned on or hoped for. But even aside from our nursing struggles, I am finding that I just do not enjoy taking care of him and I'm not sure I really love him like I am supposed to. I spend all day alternating between boredom and frustration. Everyone said it would get so much better once he started to smile at me, but he started smiling for real this week and...it's cool and all, but it doesn't make me feel any better the other 98% of the time. To add insult to injury, my husband is adjusting marvelously, is totally in love, and always knows just what to do for the boy. I find that I am counting down the days until I go back to work and put my son in daycare. I really don't think I have postpartum depression--I have been depressed before, and this doesn't feel like that. I just think that I really have made a bad mistake and that I am too selfish and rigid to be a parent. What can I do to make this better? Will taking care of my son ever be less of a drag?
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Old 12-24-2017, 04:18 AM   #2
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I really don't think I have postpartum depression--I have been depressed before, and this doesn't feel like that.
I'm not a parent,so haven't been through it myself- but friends who have said the depression was different to what they'd experienced before.

Do you have a family doctor you trust? - if so go talk to them. They may be able to help.

Right now everything's fraught - and the stakes are so high - everybody always says how much you'll love the little bundle- like it's a revelation - except not every mum has that experience. Sometimes it takes time for that love to grow and sometimes that feeling is so obscured by all the shit that surrounds it that it's hard to identify.

Sometimes, it's just a matter of keepin on until it builds.

1 in 5 women struggle to bond with their babies - it is not unnatural or unusual. Sometimes, it requires a little outside help:


Quote:
But for some new mums, including many of the 15% of women estimated to suffer with postnatal depression, feeling unable to bond with your baby – sometimes for many months after the birth – is a source of deep shame and sadness. Child psychologist Dr Angharad Rudkin says,

"It's a subject that triggers tremendous guilt. Bonding with your baby can take time – far more time than you think – and there are many reasons it might not happen immediately. The birth may have been long and traumatic. The mother may be suffering from depression or anxiety, which can affect her ability to bond. Don't panic if you don't feel overwhelmed with love at first. But at the same time, be aware that if the situation continues, you need to seek help and there's no shame in doing so. Mums need to take the pressure of themselves to be perfect. You just need to be doing OK."
This is a really interesting, and I think useful, article on the subject.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/parenting...-with-my-baby/
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Old 12-24-2017, 10:18 AM   #3
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Please talk to your doctor.
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Old 12-24-2017, 08:29 PM   #4
monster
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^this. I don't know what country you are in so who would be the person you see next, but tell them. Your family doctor, your OBGYN, your visiting nurse..... tell them. Don't hold back for fear of judgment, they will totally get it an they will help you. You are far from the only new mom to feel this way and they can help you.

No it's not always going to suck. "Everyone" has different babies and different experiences. Who in their right mind would enjoy cleaning up the goop that comes out of a newborn behind? And travels up the back of their diaper and then down the long sleeve of their clean cute little sleepsuit you just got poppered up, onto the nice clean bedlinen you just changed. And boys pee in your eye too. And smiles? It was a lot longer than 5 weeks before I could be sure it was a smile and not just an opening ready for projectile vomit....

Hang in there, it will get better, and if you can bring yourself to tell the medical professionals around you, they will help you make that sooner rather than later.

Stick around and bitch here when you need to. We won't judge and don't know who you are anyway. We know how it is. We get it. Mine are 20, 18 and 16 now.
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Old 12-24-2017, 08:36 PM   #5
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No. Parenting won't suck forever. New babies are a huge pain in the ass. If you are not feeling the love for the baby though, you should talk to your doctor. The love is what's supposed to keep you going through the suck. The doctor can help you, but you have to talk plainly to them.
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Old 12-24-2017, 10:37 PM   #6
Undertoad
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Fake user

https://ask.metafilter.com/176089/Is...o-suck-forever
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Old 12-25-2017, 04:38 AM   #7
DanaC
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But...why?
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Old 12-25-2017, 05:00 AM   #8
sexobon
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Prelude to spam? Better than average attention grabber, using a mother - newborn relationship at Christmas time. Tug on the ol' heart strings. Take advantage of people in the spirit of goodwill. This wasn't the only online community that got that same post, on the same day, at the same time to the minute.
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Old 12-25-2017, 08:00 AM   #9
xoxoxoBruce
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Even so, it's a valid subject about a real phenomenon for people who have experience or knowledge to weigh in on.
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Old 12-25-2017, 10:12 AM   #10
sexobon
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Apparently someone agrees with that to the point that they ramped it up a little and reposted it a year and a half later on the same site.

https://ask.metafilter.com/218670/Wa...baby-a-mistake

Maybe we have something to look forward to.
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Old 12-25-2017, 10:51 AM   #11
Undertoad
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It was posted via a VPN, so could not be tracked to an individual's IP address/geolocation.
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